update

Yesterday at the appointment the Dr. didn't see the need to check if I was dilated yet... he recommended me stopping the Brethaine so my contractions can progress naturally now. Still high blood pressure... so he wants me to rest. If I don't go into active labor in the next two weeks He will induce me at 37 weeks. Ugh.... I DON'T want to be induced.... I'm praying I just go into labor. He will check to see if I am dilated next Monday and if I am .... that might change the plans a little... then they might induce sooner. Please just pray I go SAFELY into labor on my own. =)

Results So Far

Thanks SO SO SO much!!! God has heard your prayers. We had a complete level 2 ultrasound this morning and everything looks great. There is still too much fluid... but no known reason for it. One possibility is that she cannot swallow correctly but they won't be able to tell that until she's born, at which time they'll put a feeding tube into her belly through her esophagus to make sure there's nothing blocking her ability to swallow. If she was not able to swallow, it could explain an extra amount of fluid.
Hannah looks perfect. Her lungs, kidneys, heart, brain, physical structure, intestines, spine etc... all look good. Her head is still a little bigger than her body, but the Dr. thought it might be a hereditary thing since there is no swelling on the brain and not too extreme of a difference. It looks like the amniotic fluid has gone down even though it's still high. The main concern since there is extra fluid is that the baby can move so much she may be at risk of a cord around the neck, also there is a risk that the cord could try to be born before her, causing a blood flow cut off to her. SO chances are if I'm not dialated this monday, they might take me off the contraction meds and allow me to go into labor if I go. If I'm dialated this Monday they might choose induce labor soon so she can be born in a controlled atmosphere and the cord would not fall in the way. I'm still on bed rest for high blood pressure. But enjoying the fire and the Christmas Tree. Rob has been an awesome Husband taking care of things around here. Thanks so much for your prayers!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!
Love Hope

Prayer Request

I'm back on bed rest and

without going into too many details please just pray that Hannah is safe and that my body and hers function properly along with God's will. I have more amniotic fluid in me than I should, so on Monday we will have another ultrasound and Doc appointment to try to get down to the nitty gritty of why. Nothing too alarming, but please just pray in agreement with us that this pregnancy would align itself with God's will and be completely healthy in it's last few weeks as it has been up to this point. More details soon. Until then...here's a new picture of our baby girl!!! Don't you just want to pinch those CHEEKS!!!!

Praise God!

I'm off bed rest but I'm supposed to take it easy. My blood pressure is still high but not as high as it was. I can go back to work!!! My contractions were not and are not Braxton Hicks, they are actual Preterm contractions, but I had a test done~ a LOVELY test I might add~ and the results showed I was safe from going into labor for at least the next two weeks! Pray that I really don't go into Labor until I'm to term though, and that my blood pressure will keep dropping. Thanks for all your prayers!!!

well hmmmmm....

It seems I have high bloodpressure and am having too many contractions too early.... so bedrest until at least Monday...then the doc will reevaluate! I'll keep you posted.

WOW!!!

It has amazed me how life has been reeling lately as we get closer to Hannah's birth.

I have been trying to get four months of lesson plans done ahead of time for substitute teachers... I didn't think that would be so bad... just a lot of sitting at the computer... but I soon have come to find.. .that also means running to the store ahead of time to buy 4 months of supplies, pulling 4 months of story books of the shelf and 4 months worth of files out of the cabinet... it seems so hard to let my kids go! I have AWESOME teachers coming in to replace me... but they deserve the best preparations... so that has been driving me BATTY!!!!

Also... I have been having light contractions anywhere from 5 minutes apart to 30 minutes apart... it's kinda cool... a little uncomfortable though, and it just makes me think of the reality of my Beautiful Baby Girl coming anytime! I want her too come when GOD wants her to come... but I want to be ready! =)

The room is ready... ready enough to live in... but of course I would still love an entire day to nest in it a little more.

The house is ready... but I feel like every tiny dust bunny that pops up MUST be removed IMMEDIATELY!! =) Hehehe... I know soon the reality will hit me... that this will become an impossible task.

Then I was reminded today that Hannah is coming into the world at the end of the TAX SEASON!!! Meaning... I need to get on the ball and be prepared to close the books and send out tax forms.... uggghhhhhh

I have not kept up with this blog because of all this craziness... =) not to mention parent teacher conferences every night in December. But I DO LOVE conferences.

Life is now fast paced and I assume it will be like this for quite a while.

I have an appointment with the Doc. Thursday! If there is any new news I will let you know! AND YES... I KNOW... BELLY PICS!!! I just have to take the time to pose!!! You won't believe my belly. Last week a little girl I used to teach saw me, and her mommy was telling her I was going to have a baby... the little girl said "She doesn't have a baby in there... she just ate the WHOLE Turkey!" And my friends... she could not have hit the nail on the head any more directly... I look like the thanksgiving turkey is stuck in my belly.... minus the drumsticks! =)

BUT I LOVE IT!!! I can't wait to kiss my girl though!!! I'm ready to see her!!!!!!!

Thanks for your prayers!!!!!!!

Update

Well the Doc. said everything looks good! Not much to update you on... but no news can be good news. I have been struggling with losing feeling in my hands, but the doctor said that is normal for some women during pregnancy. Hannah LOVES to move and wiggle and kick. Especially at about 5:00 every morning... but I love it! I just lay there and LOVE it!!!

My dear dear DEAR coworkers threw me a surprise shower. I was so blessed. They went in on buying me a Moses Basket and a cute Onsie. I also received many other nice things. Thanks to everyone who made it happen!

My family is throwing us a shower this weekend. It's such a blessing when you're surrounded by so many people that love you and want to bless you. It's humbling and such a blessing.

I am getting in panic phase since the doctor told me I should be prepared to go into labor anytime after January 1st (even though our due date is still Feb 3rd). It just makes me think of the things we still DON'T have... yikes......

But if God takes care of the birds and dresses the flowers... He will take care of Hannah too.

David and Guillanda have been on my heart a lot lately. I get very emotional when I think of them (which is still very often). Please just continue to keep them in your prayers.

That's all for now!

Happy Halloween From the Three Of Us!

This Halloween, let God carve open your heart, pull out the garbage inside, carve a smile on your face and put the light of His Holy Spirit Inside!

Thank You

Thank you for all your comments about Hannah! We are so blessed! We named her Hannah because of the Bible Story God used to let us know we would be having her, for anyone who was wondering. I grew up having a meaning to my name and loved it... and we both really feel that it's important to know why your parents gave you the name that they did.

Dylan is doing much much better. Thanks for your prayers. He needs to stay home for two weeks now so he doesn't get sick from any outside sources. After the next two weeks he should be out of the woods. I know you'll all be praying for him until then, and we thank you!

God Bless!!!

Some Bad and Some Good

Well everyone. Please continue to pray for Dylan, his fever is high again and they're not letting him out of the hospital yet. This is really scary with a one year old. Please pray for him, he's so little... they need to figure this out soon. Please also pray for his parents. They're worn out and worried. Thank you!

On the other hand... we would like to officially introduce you to our daughter Hannah. (note the new picture of her)
She is just SO SO SO stinkin' CUTE! God did a great job!!!!!!

Oh Glorious Day

So first off... Gibson is out of the hospital and doing much better, and Dylan either is home or will be very soon! They treated Dylan for Kawasaki Disease (yep...we'd never heard of it either), an inflammation of the blood vessels around the heart. He should be fine, but pray him through a little more if you don't mind since they never totally put their finger on if that was the problem or not. They treated him for it anyway and he seems to be doing better. Thanks for praying! Praise God!

Secondly... we go for ultrasound 2 today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO SO SO excited!!!! Can't wait to see our little one again. We'll be sure to fill you in!

And last but NOT least.....

I FINALLY GOT MY PIANO!!! Thank you so so much God! Thanks for giving me the desire of my heart since I was six years old. I hated T-Ball, I hated soccer.... I JUST wanted a piano or violin. I guess good things come to those who wait. We are so so so so blessed. I just about bawled my eyes out all the way to pick it up! This thing is SO huge... it's old too and if you know me. you know I LOVE old! I played it for about 3 hours last night. Rob eventually went to bed without even telling me. He said he didn't want to interrupt my flow. =)

So needless to say.... all these things together... make a GLORIOUS day!

Thanks for praying! Thank you God for hearing us!

pray pray pray

Please be in prayer for two of my nephews! They both live hundreds of miles apart from each other, but they both seem to be suffering from the same unknown something.

My nephew Dylan is only a year old and in the hospital with a 105 degree fever. They thought he had spinal meningitis, drew spinal fluid from him and found out it was not that. Then they thought it was some other disease.... found out it was not THAT and now they are just waiting to find out what might be wrong. PLEASE pray for him, and especially for his fever to go down.

My nephew Gibson is also in the hospital with a 103 degree fever and the doctors are unsure of what HIS situation is too! Please pray the same way for him.

Dylan and Gibson seem to be having the same symptoms and they're both very lethargic. Please please pray for them and for everyone around them. thanks.

Then on a selfish note....

Some of you might remember my blog entry about wanting a Piano. Well... we still have been asking God for one. And we are in the running for a free piano. It's knocking my SOCKS off how God gives us the desires of our hearts!!! There are two people before us that have dibs... but if they don't want it... it's all ours. What a HUGE blessing!!!!! It brings me to tears. So while your praying... you could pray this blessing through for us... also... PRAISE God because one of my dear sweet preschool parents, gave Rob and I a free car seat, BRAND new (only used for a month). We are SO BLESSED it humbles me!

Thank you Lord!

A little bit bigger??

Well we had another doctors appointment today! The baby and I measure a little bigger than expected. But they say at this point they don't know if that means the baby is just a big baby... or that we're a little farther along than expected. Everything is still going well though!
From the last ultrasound they THINK the baby is a girl.... but they're not giving us a guarantee. We get to have another ultrasound because of this!!!! In the end of October. I'm still feeling GREAT! I love this experience. Thanks for all your comments and support!!


Please pray for David and Guillanda's family. We're trying to get in touch with them since after the hurricanes and have heard nothing yet. We want to help if we can, but now we're afraid the dad will not respond to phone calls still. Please just pray we hear something. But most of all pray, they are happy and healthy and in love with God.

God Bless you all!!!

More This and More That

We just got back from our FIFTH anniversary trip to the UP. Every year, we leave for a day trip to go to one of the great lakes and check out a lighthouse we've never seen. We thought this would be a good way to remember how beautiful Maine was, where we went for our honeymoon. So this year... since it's such a HUGE milestone ;-) we decided to take off for the weekend. Only... silly me NO CAMERA!!!! UGGGHHH and we broke tradition.... =( no lighthouse. We did have fun though!

We got to the cabin late Friday night. I heard a woman screaming in the middle of the night, which was odd since we were in the middle of thousands of acres by OURSELVES, so I concluded it must have been a bobcat in the yard... somehow Rob slept right through it!!!

On Saturday, my very patient husband took me antiquing. We found an adorable old quilt for the baby's room and now we FINALLY have a color scheme based on that! Nothing seemed right till I saw the quilt! Brown, yellow, pink and green!!! I'm not one for traditional baby colors.

Then on Sunday we headed to lake Superior and Rob's very patient 5 month pregnant wife, bundled herself up (it was only in the 40's on the beach) and hauled her camping chair and book through miles =) (ok... a few hundred feet) of sandy beach, in order to watch her husband enjoy surf fishing, in which after about an hour and a half he finally caught and released one fish. We then left (my bladder overflowing and stomach grumbling) at about 8:00 as the sun set on the beach. It was nice... really... just... awkward with the belly... but we did it! Yea me!

And on Monday on our way home we went to the notorious "Oswald's Bears". I am PETRIFIED of bears!!! But this helped me get over it. You know... you're 160,000 times more likely to get in a car accident than hurt by a bear... nice to know huh!? This place had ACRES AND ACRES of bears fenced in and you could walk around and look at them. See them wrestle with each other, scratch their backs, nurse their babies... it was VERY cool! I'm just glad there was a fence between us!

That's that! We're back and ready for our sixth year of marriage!!!! What an AWESOME year it will be. I truly have an AMAZING husband.

This and That

Sorry if that last post was a little too emotional for some of you! =)

I just can't put into words what it felt like seeing our baby for the first time. I had always loved that song since we started adopting David and Guillanda, it seemed like it spoke of a family mixed by biology and adoption, womb and heart... a perfect fit for our family. I just bawl each time I hear that song, because it includes all my kids and puts into perfect words how I feel for them. Some people have been wondering if Rob and I feel greater love for our birth baby... but honestly... I can only say... seeing her for the first time was just as emotional as the moment we knew David and Guillanda were supposed to be part of our life. I don't say that to devalue this little one growing inside of me... but each child is equally valued by God.... and in my heart, David and Guillanda will always be part of our family, and I hope our entire family will grow to understand that in a healthy way in which they all feel just as valued.


So the ultrasound... was... AWESOME... I didn't want it to end!!! At all!!! I loved watching our little one move around... and she moves a LOT! Jeepers... they had a hard time getting pictures of her... that ultrasound wand went screaming around my belly at points. I think we have an active worshiper on our hands!!! Certainly not a traditionalist I would guess.

It was awesome hearing Rob's comments and amazement. Not much can draw you closer than a child!!! It's certainly God's design. I can feel the baby move a lot more... I think we might have had our first chance at feeling hiccups yesterday. And baby kicked my mom for her birthday! My nephew got a chance to feel baby kick too.

I honestly CANNOT imagine not having life in me... I can't wait for her to come... but how WEIRD will it feel when there's no more twisting and turning in me where ever I go!!?? Hopefully it's God's will to send us our next one right away!!! =)

So God gave me a beautiful word about our baby and other things today.

As I sat on our porch and prayed, near the end of my prayer, little birds of all different types started flying from here and there and landing on our barn roof. And as they were flying around I heard them all chirping... but most of all... I heard a Robin making a beautiful song. I thought that was weird... a Robin is usually heard singing like that in the spring, not the fall... fall is for Blue Jays! But God seemed to say to me, "even in the end seasons new life can be heard and celebrated, that's how it will be with your child". I'm a very season oriented person... I love all 4 seasons... but I find a lot of times my spiritual and emotional life seems to parallel the actual seasons. This time... it's doesn't seem to be going that way. Last year at this time exactly we were getting a phone call saying our children were going back home with their birth parents. It seemed as the leaves were starting to fall, so was one of our dreams. And spring... brought some healing... some new growth... and one special new growth found in my belly in May. But wait...our little new life... will be coming in the heart of winter. That... does not parallel the season... new life in the middle of winter!!?? I think it's God's way of showing me to be more open minded. We cannot restrict or predict His actions by how life has gone in the past. He has turned our end season, into a new season worth celebrating!

Also, on a side note, while I was praying, I asked God to decrease my selfishness and increase my love and interest in other people... I asked Him to increase my selfLESSness. As I look at this birds on my barn roof...(the STRANGE mix... we're not just talking a common flock... for some reason chickadees, crows, mourning doves, Robins, cowbirds, pheobes and finches were ALL sitting on my roof, God knows I LOVE birds) God said... if I can increase the birds for you, how much more can I increase your selflessness. Just believe.

God is so awesome!!!! Like Christmas every morning!! I love Him!
More updates soon... belly pictures too... coming soon... I guess......

Inside My Skin

Inside my skin, there is this space

That twisted and turned, that bled and ached

Inside my heart, there was an empty room

It was waiting for lightening

It was waiting for you


I am wanting

I am needing you here

Inside the Absence of Fear

You're Muscle and Sinew, Velvet and Stone

My vessel was haunted, it creaked and moaned

Now my bones call to you, in the same skin

I made myself translucent, to let you in.

I am wanting

and I am needing you here

Inside the Absence of Fear

There is this hunger, this restlessness inside of me

And it knows that your no stranger, your my gravity

My hands will adore you through all darkness and hate

We would have laid you out in the moonlight to reinvent your names.

I am wanting

I am needing you here

I need you

Need you

Inside the Absence of Fear.

(Lyrics by Jewel)

Half Way Mark

Yes... we've officially reached it!!! HOW WEIRD!! How FAST time has gone!!!!


Today I had another doctors appointment. Everything went great. Baby's heart rate was 150. And get this... so the Doctor is listening for the heart beat and says... "Well, there's two heart beats" needless to say MINE skipped a beat and I said "TWO?" (I would actually LOVE it... but it was a shock) then she says... "Well, yep, yours is the slower one and the baby's is the faster one". Well I KNEW that...geesh!!! I told the doctor I wouldn't be surprised if MINE was actually the faster one after that comment!!!!


So... no twins... as far as we know! =) My ultrasound is scheduled for Tuesday... I'm VERY excited but VERY VERY emotional... why did it go this fast!!?? Can't we just stop time and savor these moments a little longer!!!???? =(


I feel very BIG for being about 20 weeks! I honestly feel like I look like someone 7-8 months pregnant! But I still weigh 10 pounds less then when I got pregnant so that's good. I guess I'm just destined to show off my child!!


I'll keep you all posted on the ultrasound! I'm SURE it's a bouncing happy baby girl! What do you think!!??

Love Hope

I GOT A "KICK" OUT OF THIS....

Last night, as we got ready to go to bed... Rob put his hand on my belly... leaned over toward my stomach and in a deep loud voice said "HEY BABY, IT's YOUR DADDY!" And... according to my pregnancy books... the baby just started to hear within the last couple weeks...





Rob hadn't felt the baby move yet. I had... I can feel it churning on the inside...

Well...





Needless to say... Rob must have startled the baby, because I felt the poor little thing JOLT! Rob certainly felt it this time... for the first time!! I'm so excited for him! All I could say without bawling is...





"Isn't that more beautiful than the best lightning storm ever!?"





Oh the things we say when were pregnant....

I Press On

Ok, time for a confession. So I bought this BEAUTIFUL picture for our home of some horses racing forward, and on the picture Phillipians 3:14 is written.

"I press on toward the goal, to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Jesus Christ"

So the real confession is that this verse honestly has never really insipred me for some reason, VERY sad, I know!!!! I guess maybe I didn't get it. I bought the picture for the horses and thought it was s nice touch that it had a bible verse on it, I actually forgot until this morning, what verse WAS on it!

Well, this morning, during my God time, God told me to turn to Phillipians 3:14 (I had even forgotten what the verse said). As I turned there I was a little disappointed, because I just don't get this verse completely. So I asked God... what IS the goal?? Heaven??? I already HAVE that through my salvation, why do I need to "press on TOWARDS it". Ok.... I'm letting you all see the stupid side of me.... but it's good to be humble right?

So God tells me this.... "When you come to heaven I will want to see how you've invested what I've given you. Have you taken my talents and invested and multiplied them, or have you merely burried your faith and salvation in a jar, hoping to turn it in to Me in heaven some day like a ticket to enter. If you've invested wisely, and brought me a harvest, I will say, well done good and faithful servant, and there is no better prize than that!"

Matthew 25: 14-30

Amen... once again... I'm humbled and I ask God to give me the wisdom to invest wisely in people around me, pour what God has given me into them.

Now I get it. I will press on.

Signs of "Fall"

Oh how I love Michigan... yes it might be AUGUST... but you know fall is coming when the steam starts to roll off your pond in the morning! I've been excited to see this the last few mornings... you know what it means... the water is warmer than the air! It got down into the 40's last night!! And that is a joyous thing to me! I love fall... if we could have 10 months of fall and 2 of winter... or maybe 6 of each... I would be a VERY happy person. I may have been created to live in Alaska!

However... this wasn't the only type of "Fall" I saw signs of this morning!

After feeding my horse I went out to sit on the swing by the pond to pray and to watch the steam come off the pond. And God lovingly said to me that our prayers are like that steam. You see in the water cycle... that steam cannot turn into liquid again until it hits the heavens... then it FALLS down as rain and stays for a while, gathered in the pond. Our prayers cannot turn into blessing until we literally lift them up to heaven either. We can wish things... but until we lift them up to God, we will never get blessings FALLING on us, and answers rained back down upon us... they need to reach the heavens first. And isn't great when those blessings do FALL and pool up, staying with us a while, like a baby or an adopted child coming home! So we all need to keep the cycle of prayer going!! And I am praying for all of you!

Feeling Better AND FINALLY......

Thanks for your prayers I think I'm over the worst of things. I feel fine... I just still can't hear well since my ears are still plugged. I guess some women are prone to "stuffy ears" in there fourth and fifth months, and mine just happened to be kicked off by an allergy attack. I guess here in Michigan a lot of people with mild allergies are getting hit hard this summer and I'm one of them! =) Yippeeee!

NOW.... da da dada.... for the real big news.........

I have officially felt the baby move!!!!!!!!! OH MY WORD PEOPLE!! How amazing!!

It's very subtle and gentle... no big jabs yet. But I can feel the baby "roll". At first I didn't know what I was feeling. Now it's all making sense. I told my mom... "It feels like every time I stand up everything in my stomach rolls downward, but now it's happening a lot... like even when I'm walking or laying in bed!!!" My mom said "Honey that's not everything in your stomach... that's SOMEONE!" Makes sense... you can tell I'm a first timer... duh. Now that I know what I'm feeling.. I can totally tell it's the baby. I can feel my belly get hard... then soft... then hard again... at night, and I can tell it's probably a little butt or back.

WOOO HOOO another sign of life!!! I love pregnancy!!! I hope I'm pregnant again this time NEXT year!!!! Well...... maybe... =)

Love to all of you! Thanks for praying!!!!!

sick

So I have been sick for over a week now. I hate being a whiner... but to be honest... I am being one. I am generally a healthy person!!! If I get sick I'm better in a day or two!! I have not gone to the doctors yet... because every day I feel a little bit better... and being pregnant, I doubt there is much to do but wait it out anyway. Prayers would be appreciated. Basically both ears are plugged and I can hardly hear a thing. Last night we watched a movie and Rob had tell me everything they were saying... finally... I kid you not... we turned the TV up as loud as it could go. Poor Rob. =)

Secondly. I have really really been missing and thinking about David and Guillanda a lot lately. It just still crosses my mind why the situation seemed totally of God and now we are going the opposite direction. Recently a horse trainer told me an analogy that helped me quite a bit. She said when she trains a horse for a show she never trains them on the exact course they actually will go through during the competition because she doesn't want the horse to be stuck to a routine or a comfort zone. She trains them to do the things needed for the show but in a different order, so they want to follow her direction... not what they think they can already expect. The horses have to rely on her... not what they think they already know. Then she said, she sometimes even will lead a horse all the way up to an obstacle in the course and command it to move away from the obstacle at the very last minute instead of jumping over it. Her reason for doing this is basically the same. She wants to know the horse is willing to follow her... not just do what it thinks it "should", not just jump over the next thing coming. A horse should always be in tune to what it's master wants... and so should we when it comes to our God. That helped... but I still catch myself wandering back to the barrel and really wanting to jump it! I guess like the simple mind of a horse... my mind does the same thing... "it's there... it just doesn't make sense to put it there if you don't want me to jump it!" But, I would rather listen to my trainer... I would benefit better in the long run.

The Beat Goes On at 14 weeks!!!

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated!

Yesterday we had our second Doctor's appointment. We heard the baby's heart beat again! How exciting! The baby's heart rate was 160. (The doc said that doesn't mean it's a boy... that's a myth) We could also hear the baby jumping around a lot... and I mean A LOT... very busy baby. I haven't been able to feel the baby move yet though. I can't wait for that!!!!!!!!

I am feeling a lot better... starting to be hungry... and sometimes VERY VERY hungry! Once in a while smells still bother me, but not nearly as much as they were. I am also starting to actually have a little energy but even the slightest heat REALLY bothers me. I feel like such a wimp... but I CAN'T WAIT for fall!!!

We will be getting an ultrasound in September. I was hoping it would be sooner, but that's ok. We will be trying to find out the baby's gender. Can't wait!!

Right now I have a cold... and that stinks since I just have to wait it out! But... this too will pass!
That's all for now! Thanks for celebrating with us and praying for us.

Just a Few Words..

Well... Sermon on the Mount went GREAT... about 15 people asked for salvation and a lot of family and friends came. We were SO blessed to sit at the feet of such great people and just listen and learn this week. Blaze preached an amazing sermon... yes BLAZE! How exciting is that!! If you want to see pictures and hear more about this event I'll be updating Blazespage in a couple of days. Thank you for your prayers for this event!

I am 10 days away from being OUT of my first trimester!!!!! Still not showing, but I can feel a difference inside me. WHERE has time gone!!! I am eagerly looking forward to the return of my appetite!

And lastly.... =( we got our fingerprint appointment in the mail yesterday. It was an unexpected even that just made my heart sink... BUT overall I am rejoicing and still praying for unity and prosperity for our children's family. God's plan is always better than my own!

A "Blanket of Blessing" and Sermon on the Mount

Well... a couple of days ago when I rolled over on my belly... I could tell something was there!!!!! That was another great confirmation! =) Just thought I would share the news... that's the first time I ever felt a difference! Baby is about the size of a match box car now (from what I'm understanding and reading anyway). On the downside... I have officially been "sick" for the first time... please pray it's the last...



We were extremely blessed today as a lady at our church, who never knew us until we shared our testimony, has volunteered to make blankets and things for the nursery. She has a sewing business and felt God lead her to bless us in this way. We are just so touched and humbled by God's vast love and blessing in this situation. This wonderful lady prayed over us at the end of church today and just blessed us so much with encouragement. I just love when God's people bless each other in ways like this. Thank you Lord! May we be just as faithful.



On another note... we have a GREAT ministry coming to town this week in which I and my horse get the honor of being involved in. It's called Sermon On The Mount.

Lew Sterret is a horse trainer and a pastor. What he does is trains horses while doing a live sermon at the same time in front of an audience and comparing what he is doing with the horse to us and our lives and our relationship with the Lord. If you could PLEASE pray for this ministry, it would be a huge blessing. We're praying that people that do not know the Lord, but do know horses, will be touched and see God in a way they never have before. It will be this Tues, Weds, and Thurs. night at the Isabella County Fairgrounds from 5:30pm-8:00pm. Please come if you can...and bring friends... it's a free event! Thanks in advance for your prayers!!!

A BEAT WORTH KEEPING!!!

We heard the heart beat of our baby last week!! The awesome thing is it was 5 weeks earlier than our Dr. had ever remembered hearing a baby's heartbeat before! At first we couldn't hear anything... then our wonderful Dr. said a PRAYER (how COOL is that!!??) and immediately after we could hear a very faint heart beat and it got louder and louder!!!!!!



WOOOO HOOOOO there is REALLY a living human being INSIDE ME!!!!!!!!!!
PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Feeling ok

Just a little update... I'm feeling ok... still a little nausea but I have not gotten sick! I'm finding it hard to even drive by areas that I have fealt "sick" around... how wierd is that!!? It kick starts the nausea again, so I find a detour!

My first doc appointment is Thursday! Rob talks to the baby already... I'm totally loving that, it's so stinkin' cute! I will keep you all posted!

Thank You

Thanks to everyone who prayed. The funeral went as to be expected. God is giving strength to the family and they are receiving it. A lot of good God things are coming out of the tragedy. Continue to pray for the family please. For unity and for God to be center and for God to be understood during this confusing time.

As far as me and baby go...

Baby is about the size of a grape! Fingers and toes formed or forming and believe it or not it's already the start of my third month today!

I am changing prenatal vitamins, been off the old ones two days already and feeling better... let's hope the new ones do the trick!! I felt so yucky the other day I couldn't even drink water... that's just not healthy!!! Did Mary have to take stinkin' prenatal vitamins!!?? I doubt it... and look how good Jesus turned out!

;-)

Just a few things....

My Status.... I'm feeling great. Tired from time to time... and the smell of food usually does not agree with me! But I have not been sick! And I WILL not be... In Jesus name! =)

We received word that we will not be able to adopt Caleb and Isabel at this point even if they did come back, due to our age. One of us must be 35 years old and that law is now being enforced. So, please just pray for their happiness, Godliness and health.

HUGE PRAYER REQUEST...
Rob's cousin's 4 year old daughter died last week. The family really needs your prayers. The Lord is drawing near to them and they are getting to know Him better through this, pray that the Devil keeps his hands off the entire Krotzer family during this time especially.

Thanks! God Bless you all.

What's New? Oh... it's all "POSITIVE"

So you may be wondering what's with the blog change. The kid's names back to their given ones, a new title etc...



We have finally come to that place of peace that we could only wait for. We now have peace to move along with our family. We stopped everything for David and Guillanda... (now trying to refer to them with their birth names out of respect for their birth parents)... as we still know we should have, but now it's time to move forward. We started getting that sense a little over a month ago.



We still cling to these two kids. We still have hope that they may come home still. But we are also willing to lay it in front of God's feet and move along. Move ALONG, not move ON, not move PAST, but move along... move forward.



We are still a covering for them by praying for them every day, our home is eternally open to them, in a sense they will always be our first born children. Always our children in our hearts. I just will never get past the weeks that we really were mama and papa to them in a time of need. Changing a baby girls diapers and watching over an active boy. Laughing and tickling... not to mention the crying. And I will never forget these two memories for sure... a baby girl sleeping on top of me in peace all night and a young boy wanting already to cuddle with his mama at 5:30 in the morning shoving me over and crawling into bed with me. Those are such intimate memories and some of the best. I hope some day we will all make more awesome memories together again.

Please continue to pray for the kids and their family. For health and unity and most of all for God to be the center of their lives.



Moving forward is hard. But now we are even more sure than ever it's time. You see... although we sensed over a month ago it was time to, a week ago we found out....



I am pregnant! Praise God!!



Let me tell the entire story

On mother's day I was a bit bummed for obvious reasons. That night I went up to bed carrying my Bible to read before I went to sleep. Once I got up the stairs... I just felt discouraged and said... "Lord.... I'm sorry... I just want to go to bed... I don't have the heart to read tonight... please forgive me" His Spirit quickly responded by saying... "Are you really going to let the discourager get the last word tonight?" Then I knew I should read.

As I opened my Bible... I didn't even know where to start, my heart wasn't in it but I wanted to give God a chance. So I opened my Bible to a random spot in which I tucked my church bulletin. And there in front of me was the story of Hannah. Particularly the part where Eli told her to go and may she receive from the Lord what she had asked. (Hannah was unable to have children, but the Lord blessed her and allowed her to after all... the story is in 1 Samuel 1) That really struck a chord with me. I read the whole story and just closed my eyes and began to pray "Lord, I either think You're trying to tell me something.... or this is just salt in the wound. I don't want to dramatize this and run away with this thinking you're speaking to me... but I want confirmation and to give You credit if you are. Lord, I know I should always wait for scriptural confirmation when I sense you speaking, so God, somehow soon, please confirm this if your trying to tell me something."

So as I got ready to snuggle into bed and close my Bible I noticed a highlighted verse sitting in front of me from Daniel 10:12 "...Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, Your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer."

I started crying my eyes out... "Lord this is either You.... or this is VERY cruel... and YOU'RE not cruel. You knew how my day went... I don't believe you would do this to me."

I woke up Rob and we prayed and cried together and believed... we were pregnant.

About three weeks went by... The entire time Rob and I joked undercover about being pregnant... partly believing and to be honest... partly guarding our hearts from what might be about the 20th let down.

then... it was confirmed last Sunday... we are pregnant.

We are SO SO grateful for what the Lord has done! Please praise God with us!!

Even horses can be optimists!

We Choose Joy

We will rest in you Lord. We will rejoice. When the outermost situations grind us like rough sand paper to our skin. We look, and we find You, doing just the opposite from the inside out. Refining us. And we choose joy, we choose to rest in you. Oh, our souls stir for a family, yearn and burn for a family, sometimes to the point of tears. But, although we cry tears like Hannah did... we KNOW a Samuel is coming for us too. We will not let this longing be a source of bitterness, but we view it as a beginning of a miracle. You stir a parent's heart with deep longing and love for their children long before they ever hold them, and while that longing is so passionate it sometimes seems painful in the wait, it is ultimately a beautiful thing. You are teaching us to cherish each other and cling to each other during this time and how great a love we have in our marriage because of this trial. Nothing else has ever caused us to look so deeply into each other's eyes and share our emotions. So we consider it a pure JOY to go through this Lord. We know you are the Almighty Developer of perseverance and character. We know our situation has been laid before you. We need not manipulate you to get our way. We want YOUR way Lord.

It touches our hearts to know You longed like this too as You waited for us to come into the world, as You waited for US to love You. Only, Your longing was even deeper, because it comes from a perfect love. How humbled we are.

We choose Joy.

Are you still praising?

Wow... how we miss Caleb and Isabel! It seems lately, not to make sense. It has gotten very very very hard. It has almost been a year now since we first met them. I have to admit, coming to that milestone has not been easy, facing mother's day... seems like one of the hardest days ever. Did we not hear God right? Are we still supposed to wait? Is our faith being that fiercely tested?

We know God spoke to us about these kids. We know there is a purpose in all this. Why don't we just move on by now? Well, we will NEVER "move on". We committed to these kids. Kid are worth the wait. Kids are people too and if you promise them something, you need to put yourself and your own timelines aside and be faithful to your promise.

So I look at my little girl here... and think of the storm she's going through. Mom and dad left her at an orphanage, need I say more. But look at her stance! She is still praising. It brought me to think...I need to shake off the sniffles. Yep... it's hard... it stinks we are guessing, wondering, second guessing, believing, embracing, holding fast, tripping, dusting off... but are we seeing the big picture.... the simple but strong picture that our daughter sees. God is still God. God knows, God sees it all. Alleluia. We still praise Him... even in the storms.

Ears Forward

"My Eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge..." Psalm 141:8a

I borrow this story from a wonderful horse lady I met in church this Sunday. As we stood there chatting and getting to know each other we hashed over how amazing it is that God can use horses to speak so many rich analogies to us. Then this wonderful lady gave me an example of one lesson that God has taught her and her husband with their horses... and that's Ears Forward.

As many of you may know, when working with a horse, you want his attention to be on you, not meaninglessly wandering around looking at everything BUT you! You can tell where a horses TRUE attention is by the direction their ears are pointing. Of course wanting a horses complete attention is for your safety as well as the horses , but it is also a respect issue. If your horse does not respect you or even know you as it's trainer, you can try and try again and you're not going to get through very well. And still yet it goes beyond respect and it goes into being a relationship issue. You want your horse to pay attention to you and respect you, but you also want him to WANT to be around you, you want him to willingly look constantly to you for direction.

That is such a parallel to what God wants from us. In a sense God is our trainer! Really He is. And if we take our focus off Him we will get very little out of any type of relationship from Him and we will miss out on what His leadership has to offer. And yet, we can be "good" Christians and give Him our attention on Sundays or even now and then read our Bibles because we "should" but then we still don't look to Him WILLINGLY, wanting to be with Him and wanting to serve Him out of love.

What an awe inspiring thing it is however when you look at a horse that wants to be with its trainer out of pure love and adoration and a desire to serve and listen. It's rewarding to get to that point with a horse, it is an awesome trusting relationship. How great GOD must feel when we completely surrender to Him, not because we should, but because we want to.

Ears forward.


Stay tuned for my next entry..."Who is really bigger the turkey or the horse???" The Saga is unfolding in the pasture as we speak...I'll let you know who wins! Oh, I hope it's not the turkey! Make me proud Blaze!

Daniel 10:19

"Don't be afraid" he said "for you are very precious to God. Peace.

Be encouraged!

Be strong!"

As he spoke these words to me I suddenly felt stronger and said to him,

"Please speak to me my lord, for you have strengthened me."

Looking Past The Gloom

Thank you all for praying for Haiti and our kids in the past week. As far as we understand the rioting in Haiti has stopped, but things are still not good for the Haitian people. Please continue to pray for their hunger and political strife.

We heard that an employee of the Orphanage was in route to find our children's family (not by our request, but by the loving heart of Three Angels) and the riots started around him so he couldn't make it. Thankfully he's OK. That just goes to show you though... what awesome dedicated people Three Angels has working for them. We're so thankful that the staff and Gretchen are hanging in there and helping us press on as we wait on the Lord.

I wanted to share an awesome word God shared with us a few days ago. Rob and I were sitting on the porch on Sunday, enjoying a GREAT spring day when we heard a sound we never heard before. We couldn't figure out WHAT the sound was and we were prompted to look straight above our heads into the sky. What we saw were three gloomy crows flying and gliding in a circle almost like vultures would. I have never seen crows do that before, or make such weird noises. It was interesting to watch. As we glanced upwards again we wondered what spurred all the commotion, then, something else caught our eyes. About 20-100 feet above the crows, was a beautiful free soaring hawk. Most likely the crows were scheming up a plan to pick on the hawk.

The word God gave us in that situation was that we need to push past the gloom to see the glory and experience freedom. We could have just focused on the crows (the doom and gloom of life) but focusing on the hawk (unwaveringly victory, freedom and confidence) was much more pleasing!

And isn't that just the way crows and hawks are too!!? Later on we saw one of the crows dive bombing the hawk, but the hawk had such confidence and such good focus on what he was hunting that the dive bombing didn't hardly phase him a bit. When we are truly focused on the Lord, we will be unchanged by the enemies dive bombing.

PLEASE PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are in desperate need for your prayers! Although the media seems to revolve around the olympic torch right now, there is other chaos going on. Our God is strong enough to work in this! PLEASE pray for Haiti and pray for our kids who very well may be in the midst of this...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080408/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/haiti_food_protests

Hope Rising

What an interesting season we're in! No news on the kids yet!!!!!! It's hard to understand God... it's hard when we don't see the big picture. But ... God always blesses us and gives us strength to get through the odd seasons, the in between seasons. His hope always rises.

At this point... I praise God for giving me my horse Blaze. And I praise God for putting Kim Meeder in my life. They are two ways God has caused Hope to Rise in my waiting season. You see one day a few years ago... I wandered into the local Christian bookstore and saw a book called "Hope Rising". It caught my eye because it had my name on it... PLUS a picture of two of my favorite things... a child laying on the bare back of a horse. I thought "OK God... what do you want me to read this for?" Not only is this a book (I love to read) but it has too many coincidences on the front cover... and it was too odd that it was sitting right there when I walked in the door... so I read it... and I was changed. www.crystalpeaksyouthranch.org

I often wondered why I felt called by God to go to college to be a vet and then changed my mind to be a teacher... the two things don't go hand in hand at all if you ask me, was I sensing God all wrong?? That has confused the daylights out of me for years!!!! Once I read Kim's book, I understood. You see, Kim works with children and animals together! She witnesses to Children about God while using horses. Horses!!??? Yes.... my favorite animal, and not in a "mommy I want a pony for my birthday" type pf way.... it's serious... I can barely breath without horses... I'm surprised I lived this long without them!!!

So... I read this book... and I knew God wanted me to do the same thing as Kim. =) Looking around, this seems impossible... we don't have the money... we don't have the land... the list goes on... not to mention we didn't have a HORSE!

My heart is for abused horses by the way. I respect people that get into horses for show and what not.... that takes a lot of work... but me... I could care less if I got on the back of a horse... I just want to love a horse and care for it and give it the confidence it needs to be around people. I want to bless the least of the horses.

Well...one day.... I get a phone call from one of our friends. "My grandpa has this horse..." THE REST WAS HISTORY!!!

Well, as you may already know, I went over to my friends grandpa's house one day to check out his horse... I thought I actually would just go over and help care for his horse... but Mr. Eastman wanted me to buy him... HA! I KNEW that was not going to happen...we don't have the money... and Rob would not be happy with his hunting grounds turning into pastures! But "I'll pray about it" I said. I got into my car after seeing a man about his horse and prayed "God, if this is of you, when I call Rob, let this be totally ok with him" SO I called Rob... "Rob... Mr. Eastman wants me to BUY his horse...." Rob says "Well...what do you think!" "Seriously, I want this horse for sure!" Rob says "Well, ok, if you really think this is what we should do, it's your passion and I support you."

So a few months later after making some room... we brought Blaze home on Memorial Day. That in and of itself was a miracle. You see, Mr. Eastman was a GREAT horse owner... but his neighbors were "abusive" toward Blaze, punching him in the face, shooting beebees at him. Blaze was so afraid of humans that the first time I touched him... his entire body trembled. I didn't even know that horses trembled. But this was my heart... to preserve and help a less fortunate horse. If you want to keep up to date on Blaze... you can go to http://blazespage.blogspot.com

So around Christmas time... Rob and I went to a party at a friend's house. As we were casually sitting down around the table, our friend Brian asked about Blaze. I shared about Blaze's progress and my vision of reaching kids with horses out on our property some day. Brian mentioned HopeWell ranch in Wiedman, Michigan. A ranch that does the exact thing I was talking about.

Well ok it's not...

I went to church the day after the party and sought out one of the board members from HopeWell, we immediately went out to lunch after church. I am committing my summer to this place. I cannot even explain to you, what a miracle this is in my life. During this season of waiting and longing for our kids, God is making another dream come true. The board at the ranch, plus their volunteer staff, have befriended me and Rob so quickly. They treat Rob and I like family. I cannot wait to see what this summer brings! I will keep you all posted with the miracles God will be doing in the life of children out at the Ranch this summer. I am honored to be part of it!

I encourage you all (whether you're a horse lover or not) to purchase the book "Hope Rising" by Kim Meeder. You will be tremendously blessed... and you may never look at horses the same again! Please read it and let me know what you think!!!!!!

The Day After Good Friday

I think this day has a certain name to it doesn't it? It simply can't just be referred to as the day after Good Friday or, the Day Before Easter.


Nonetheless today really has me thinking, I woke up thinking about what it would have been like for Jesus' family and disciples today. I think of merely what it felt like the day after my dad died and I know what a bittersweet day that was. It was a very sad day, but also a day I knew my Dad was with God and no longer suffering. Can you imagine being Jesus' family today? He had cousins and most likely brothers, his mom and his followers, not to mention oodles of friends. And I too often just think about how this influenced those closest to Jesus, but what about those he touched otherwise, the blind man, the paralytic, the demon possessed, the little girl in the upper room who was dead, those in the synagogue who did believe, the centurion's family, the woman with the issue of blood, the lame man by the pool, Lazarus, the prostitute, the adulteress, the servant in the Garden with a healed ear, Pilate, the thousands fed with just a little, the shepherds, the wise men, the innkeeper, the Palm Sunday rejoicers, the Lepers, etc. What do you think all these people were thinking when they heard that the man that performed such a miracle in their lives was now, dead.


Think about it. We see the big picture, we're educated on this and have the Bible to show us what happened and why, but these people... they were just trying to wrap their minds around all of this. Some of them might have remembered that the scripture SAID there would be a Savior, but even if so, most people had their own ideas of how he would come and what he would be like... A KING, majestic! So try to put yourselves in ALL these people's shoes today, The Day AFTER Good Friday, the day BEFORE Easter. What would you do? How would you feel? I know I would be confused, doubting, second guessing, sad, feeling like my hope was stolen from me, and not just that, but brutalized first. I would be wondering if this man was really who he said he was, and yet if not, how did he touch my life so!! Wanting to still believe but being faced with harsh worldly realities.


As I thought about all of this this morning, I realized how much it paralleled our adoption situation. These people did have God's word, they did hear a Savior would come... some of them may have even remembered when Christ was born, but the current situation did not fit into their preconceived ideas. And the ground they had built on, the faith they were finally starting to have in this man, started to shake when He died... and was buried. Where was the victory in that, they wondered. Why after all those miracles would death take such a man they thought. How could a man so full of grace and good teaching be defeated and false they pondered. And I guess I have caught myself doubting our adoption in the same ways. Going from remembering the promise, to doubting, to holding fast to it again, to grieving and back to holding fast.


Ultimately, if your not sure God still speaks clearly to people, you might have a hard time understanding why Rob and I cling to this adoption so much, why we don't move on and bless another child in need. But Rob and I have tested and tried the scripture to see where God tells us He no longer talks to His people anymore, and we have found nothing saying such things. We have heard of seasons of silence, but they were always followed with seasons of communion with God, never permanent. Rob and I have felt and heard God in this situation, so even though I am being very really with you and telling you we've doubted, we still cling to the promise.


I wonder how many people thought Mary Magdalene was crazy, still saying that it was her LORD that was buried in the tomb. But Mary clung to what she knew and believed, even in the midst of things that were hard to understand. Our adoption seems to be in a season similar to that of The Day After Good Friday... but praise God, Easter is coming.

PRAY FOR HAITI

We still have no news on the kids. But we continue to pray! Thanks for your prayers!

There are so many problems in Haiti... and many problems with the adoption process.
Please read the following article... And pray for Haiti!
http://adoptivemomhaiti.blogspot.com/2008/03/my-article-was-published.html

It will give you huge insight into what our kids are dealing with and what challenges we might face to bring them home. Yet we pray in Jesus name for all these mountains to crumble!

We will not loose heart...

We've heard nothing yet, but our hope is still high. We are in a better position than we were a couple of weeks ago, and we count all the positives in the situation. We know the kids are safe and seemingly healthy, we know it's still the desire of the mom's heart to have us adopt her kids and we know the grandma also sees the benefit in it. Please continue to pray and rejoice in the progress!!! Thanks SO much for all the encouragement you have all given us. We attended Messiah Lutheran Church last Sunday and we were bombarded by support and questions, prayers and love. What an amazing, caring family we still have there! Thanks everyone! We love you all!!

Still waiting...

Well, here's our cutie pie!! We still have no news but we did recieve a pictue of Isabel that was captured the other day when they were there. (Thanks Angela!!) That is her mom, Roseline, next to her. I didn't cut her out of the picture out of disrespect (I love this woman) but out of respect, not knowing if she really would want to be displayed to the world. Please pray for Roseline, for those of you who may have heard she's sick, she's not, she stated at one point "she wouldn't get bettter" but it was in regard to her financial situation etc.. We are hearing that possibly the family will be contacted today since they haven't been in touch yet. Please pray that we get word today. Thanks everyone!!! Your support has been amazing to us!

No News is Good News!

We haven't heard a thing yet. We will shout it from the mountain tops once we do.

Today is Rob's birthday... so we are praying He recieves the best present ever!!!!!

update

Ok everyone!!! PLEASE intercede in prayer for the kids birth dad...
The way we understand it is that the mom has literally said she loves us and would never want to lose us as her children's adoptive parents. She says she has been keeping us in her heart. She still wants us to adopt her kids and was very happy to hear that we loved her and the kids enough to wait for them, that apparently touched her deeply, so praise God for the patience He has given to us. This just proves to me we were not crazy to hold firm to our committment! Their mom is such a gentle sweet lady... I just love her. The kids look healthy and want to come back to the Orphanage. Praise God for His sustanance!
They will be having a family meeting tonight with the Dad... so please pray into the late afternoon and evening. Our kid's birth dad's mom (the kids Grandma) really wants them to be adopted. Their dad really supposidly loves and respects his mom and has been advoiding her because of this. Pray that Grandma has all the right words tonight and that the Holy Spirit talks through her!! We are almost over this mountain that God sees as a mole hill!
The family will call the Orphanage tonight! If the father makes up his mind to sign away his rights, Haitian Social Services is telling him this is the final decision... no more flip flopping, praise God.
Please continue to pray the Dad's heart into a softening and understanding!!!
God is about to do a miracle!!!

His teeth might be missing...

but praise God... Caleb's not. We have no word of how the meeting is going today BUT it is being held and Caleb is there!!!!!!!!!!! It looks like he still might even have his back pack that we bought him for the start of school this year... we hope that's a good sign!!! PLEASE continue to lift this situation up. God has heard us all already, and HE WILL bless this situation!!! This is a HUGE day for us!!! We're glad God has been sustaining Caleb (we don't know about Isabel) and there is still a smile on his face... well... at least somewhat of a smile! A typical 6 year old smile!!!

Update

We know the kid's mom showed up today and their uncle was also supposed too.

Their dad said he could come tomorrow. That is simply all we know at this point! Thanks for your prayers!! They have been effective, we were not even sure the parents would come!! God is good!