More This and More That

We just got back from our FIFTH anniversary trip to the UP. Every year, we leave for a day trip to go to one of the great lakes and check out a lighthouse we've never seen. We thought this would be a good way to remember how beautiful Maine was, where we went for our honeymoon. So this year... since it's such a HUGE milestone ;-) we decided to take off for the weekend. Only... silly me NO CAMERA!!!! UGGGHHH and we broke tradition.... =( no lighthouse. We did have fun though!

We got to the cabin late Friday night. I heard a woman screaming in the middle of the night, which was odd since we were in the middle of thousands of acres by OURSELVES, so I concluded it must have been a bobcat in the yard... somehow Rob slept right through it!!!

On Saturday, my very patient husband took me antiquing. We found an adorable old quilt for the baby's room and now we FINALLY have a color scheme based on that! Nothing seemed right till I saw the quilt! Brown, yellow, pink and green!!! I'm not one for traditional baby colors.

Then on Sunday we headed to lake Superior and Rob's very patient 5 month pregnant wife, bundled herself up (it was only in the 40's on the beach) and hauled her camping chair and book through miles =) (ok... a few hundred feet) of sandy beach, in order to watch her husband enjoy surf fishing, in which after about an hour and a half he finally caught and released one fish. We then left (my bladder overflowing and stomach grumbling) at about 8:00 as the sun set on the beach. It was nice... really... just... awkward with the belly... but we did it! Yea me!

And on Monday on our way home we went to the notorious "Oswald's Bears". I am PETRIFIED of bears!!! But this helped me get over it. You know... you're 160,000 times more likely to get in a car accident than hurt by a bear... nice to know huh!? This place had ACRES AND ACRES of bears fenced in and you could walk around and look at them. See them wrestle with each other, scratch their backs, nurse their babies... it was VERY cool! I'm just glad there was a fence between us!

That's that! We're back and ready for our sixth year of marriage!!!! What an AWESOME year it will be. I truly have an AMAZING husband.

This and That

Sorry if that last post was a little too emotional for some of you! =)

I just can't put into words what it felt like seeing our baby for the first time. I had always loved that song since we started adopting David and Guillanda, it seemed like it spoke of a family mixed by biology and adoption, womb and heart... a perfect fit for our family. I just bawl each time I hear that song, because it includes all my kids and puts into perfect words how I feel for them. Some people have been wondering if Rob and I feel greater love for our birth baby... but honestly... I can only say... seeing her for the first time was just as emotional as the moment we knew David and Guillanda were supposed to be part of our life. I don't say that to devalue this little one growing inside of me... but each child is equally valued by God.... and in my heart, David and Guillanda will always be part of our family, and I hope our entire family will grow to understand that in a healthy way in which they all feel just as valued.


So the ultrasound... was... AWESOME... I didn't want it to end!!! At all!!! I loved watching our little one move around... and she moves a LOT! Jeepers... they had a hard time getting pictures of her... that ultrasound wand went screaming around my belly at points. I think we have an active worshiper on our hands!!! Certainly not a traditionalist I would guess.

It was awesome hearing Rob's comments and amazement. Not much can draw you closer than a child!!! It's certainly God's design. I can feel the baby move a lot more... I think we might have had our first chance at feeling hiccups yesterday. And baby kicked my mom for her birthday! My nephew got a chance to feel baby kick too.

I honestly CANNOT imagine not having life in me... I can't wait for her to come... but how WEIRD will it feel when there's no more twisting and turning in me where ever I go!!?? Hopefully it's God's will to send us our next one right away!!! =)

So God gave me a beautiful word about our baby and other things today.

As I sat on our porch and prayed, near the end of my prayer, little birds of all different types started flying from here and there and landing on our barn roof. And as they were flying around I heard them all chirping... but most of all... I heard a Robin making a beautiful song. I thought that was weird... a Robin is usually heard singing like that in the spring, not the fall... fall is for Blue Jays! But God seemed to say to me, "even in the end seasons new life can be heard and celebrated, that's how it will be with your child". I'm a very season oriented person... I love all 4 seasons... but I find a lot of times my spiritual and emotional life seems to parallel the actual seasons. This time... it's doesn't seem to be going that way. Last year at this time exactly we were getting a phone call saying our children were going back home with their birth parents. It seemed as the leaves were starting to fall, so was one of our dreams. And spring... brought some healing... some new growth... and one special new growth found in my belly in May. But wait...our little new life... will be coming in the heart of winter. That... does not parallel the season... new life in the middle of winter!!?? I think it's God's way of showing me to be more open minded. We cannot restrict or predict His actions by how life has gone in the past. He has turned our end season, into a new season worth celebrating!

Also, on a side note, while I was praying, I asked God to decrease my selfishness and increase my love and interest in other people... I asked Him to increase my selfLESSness. As I look at this birds on my barn roof...(the STRANGE mix... we're not just talking a common flock... for some reason chickadees, crows, mourning doves, Robins, cowbirds, pheobes and finches were ALL sitting on my roof, God knows I LOVE birds) God said... if I can increase the birds for you, how much more can I increase your selflessness. Just believe.

God is so awesome!!!! Like Christmas every morning!! I love Him!
More updates soon... belly pictures too... coming soon... I guess......

Inside My Skin

Inside my skin, there is this space

That twisted and turned, that bled and ached

Inside my heart, there was an empty room

It was waiting for lightening

It was waiting for you


I am wanting

I am needing you here

Inside the Absence of Fear

You're Muscle and Sinew, Velvet and Stone

My vessel was haunted, it creaked and moaned

Now my bones call to you, in the same skin

I made myself translucent, to let you in.

I am wanting

and I am needing you here

Inside the Absence of Fear

There is this hunger, this restlessness inside of me

And it knows that your no stranger, your my gravity

My hands will adore you through all darkness and hate

We would have laid you out in the moonlight to reinvent your names.

I am wanting

I am needing you here

I need you

Need you

Inside the Absence of Fear.

(Lyrics by Jewel)

Half Way Mark

Yes... we've officially reached it!!! HOW WEIRD!! How FAST time has gone!!!!


Today I had another doctors appointment. Everything went great. Baby's heart rate was 150. And get this... so the Doctor is listening for the heart beat and says... "Well, there's two heart beats" needless to say MINE skipped a beat and I said "TWO?" (I would actually LOVE it... but it was a shock) then she says... "Well, yep, yours is the slower one and the baby's is the faster one". Well I KNEW that...geesh!!! I told the doctor I wouldn't be surprised if MINE was actually the faster one after that comment!!!!


So... no twins... as far as we know! =) My ultrasound is scheduled for Tuesday... I'm VERY excited but VERY VERY emotional... why did it go this fast!!?? Can't we just stop time and savor these moments a little longer!!!???? =(


I feel very BIG for being about 20 weeks! I honestly feel like I look like someone 7-8 months pregnant! But I still weigh 10 pounds less then when I got pregnant so that's good. I guess I'm just destined to show off my child!!


I'll keep you all posted on the ultrasound! I'm SURE it's a bouncing happy baby girl! What do you think!!??

Love Hope

I GOT A "KICK" OUT OF THIS....

Last night, as we got ready to go to bed... Rob put his hand on my belly... leaned over toward my stomach and in a deep loud voice said "HEY BABY, IT's YOUR DADDY!" And... according to my pregnancy books... the baby just started to hear within the last couple weeks...





Rob hadn't felt the baby move yet. I had... I can feel it churning on the inside...

Well...





Needless to say... Rob must have startled the baby, because I felt the poor little thing JOLT! Rob certainly felt it this time... for the first time!! I'm so excited for him! All I could say without bawling is...





"Isn't that more beautiful than the best lightning storm ever!?"





Oh the things we say when were pregnant....