Where We Are

Hey. Figured it was time for a nitty gritty post. Many people have been saying they've been checking our blog but there has not been an update. I guess I always just thought that meant they wanted an update of the kids... but now I understand, our friends want an update on us as a whole.





Well the kids... still with their mother as far as we know. A few weeks ago she did show up at the orphanage. From what we understand she says the kids really want to come back and she really wants to bring them back. The reason she cannot at this point is because the father does not consent to it. HOWEVER we are also led to believe the dad has not at all been doing his part to love or provide for the kids, so it's frustrating that the very one who is holding this process back, is also the one showing the least concern for the kids. The kids are not able to go to school right now and we are pretty sure they are not in a very good neighborhood. We are also not sure how well the family is eating, but we are trusting God is making a way.





So... how are we. Well in general good. God is giving us peace in the overall day to day living as we wait. I do have to admit it is getting harder lately however. It's hard to make so many people understand why we are still holding on. I wish I could explain it perfectly. I guess one very blunt way I have come up with is that stopping this process right now would be like aborting. You may think that sounds extreme but to us that's what it feels like. I guess it feels like that because we committed to these beautiful kids face to face, we told them we would never QUIT them AND most importantly we feel God led us to them. Since we feel God led us to them how do we just change our minds and move on?It would not be right... it would be like aborting at this point. It would be easier to move on at times. At times I think ok... let's just grieve and get the sadness over with and move on, but THAT does not seem to line up with what I feel God calling me to do right now. I WOULD LOVE to move quickly in whichever avenue was convenient to get a child in our home.. we are SO SO SO SO ready to be parents and every time we see a parent take their child for granted... UGGHH it's heart wrenching. BUT ultimately... we are NOT in this for us. WE are not in this to fill a nest that seems empty or to play house, we are in this for God, so we are trying to do it His way. If we feel God speak to us we have to listen, or else we are just lukewarm in our faith. I am too lukewarm in my faith already, I want to be bold like, Noah, Daniel and all those others who heard and obeyed even when it was hard and the odds seemed to be against them.





So some of you say, ok ok that's fine... but what IF it was not God's plan. What if you misinterpreted God. What if God just needed to use you in these kids life for a while and now it's time to move on. Well, it is God's plan, He shows me often again and again, yet just like you there are days I doubt myself but then I remember there is a reason for the hundreds of things that had to line up to make this all happen so far... and even if you were right, and I was wrong... I feel I have to be accountable for what I have committed to.


Let me share some of my most precious memories in my life. These all are part of not letting go so easily. These memories are what show you your child is yours. You see adoption is NOT AT ALL just shopping for a child, we get so bummed out for the people who just think it's that simple.


First of all just seeing our kids for the first time was precious all together, but the more intimate things are so amazing. Like holding your daughter and letting her drool down your shoulder because she is just so darn cute and sleeping so good and it feels so good to cuddle her even if it is almost 100 degrees and your sharing each other's sweat. Giving your daughter a shoulder ride while potty training... gross... yet very intimate. Having your son's soft voice say "mama, I love you" or singing "mama, papa, Caleb, Isabel" as you walk down Haitian streets hand in hand. Giving your daughter her very own dress and hearing her say "Ooh belle, Mesi mama" when she hardly ever talks and watching her put it on and twirl around in it. Giving your son his own baseball cap and flip flops. After a very long week of attempted bonding with your daughter she finally chooses on her own to point at you and say mama and smile. Watching your son watch his papa build and running barefoot onto the building site every 5 minutes to bring him water. Changing STINKY diapers full of doodoo from American food as opposed to rice and beans doodoo. Waking up to the feeling of things being stacked up on your belly only to realize it is your two year old daughter stacking things there as she organizes the room. The awesome feeling of your son crawling into bed with you at 4 in the morning just for his back to be scratched and to be by someone that loves him. Sleeping with your daughter because there are not enough beds and although it was the worse night's sleep ever, it was the BEST night ever just constantly feeling her near you as she went from sleeping on your belly to next to you to laying across you then above your head then down between your feet and then back on your belly and laying her cheek on yours and drooling on your face. Waking your son up in the middle of EVERY night so he doesn't wet the bed. Wiping up the floor and yourself after numerous potty training incidences of your daughters. I could go on and on. But what happens each time we go to Haiti is a lot of bonding. I mean.. think of having your kids for a couple months and then having them taken away and never knowing for sure if and when you will get them back... you might think because we are "just adopting" that it wouldn't be as bad as you think to be going through this... but it is. AND YET hear me out... our God says that not ONE DAY will be added to our lives through worry. SO we don't ... we try not to. But now you know why we can't give up.



AND yet I wonder if there are people who wonder why it seems we are twisting and pulling and waiting for an adoption of kids who have parents when there are many out there who don't have parents at all. Well... it seems odd to us too at times and yet all we can say is, we love these kids and are trying to be obedient to God's will.



So the Nitty Gritty... well I have about 5 minutes of cry time every day lately. But I am fine.. honestly, crying is therapeutic... it is GOOD that I'm crying...cause I am usually a hold it inner. I am happy overall. This is a season in our life in which God is molding us... sometimes being molded hurts but the results are beautiful.



Rob is doing well too. About a week or two ago he was really missing the kids and struggling, but seems to be back in the saddle. He is so so busy with work... praise God and yet it's tiring to him.



We are unfortunately moving forward STILL with out homestudy.. SURPRISINGLY I know. We have just had a lot of requirements and we did slow down a bit due to the snag we are going through. We are at the end of it however. Things are coming together with paperwork though. We chose to move forward on our end.


I will try to keep you all more up to date on a regular basis.

So...how long will we wait? How long would you wait for YOUR kids to come home?
Praying for the ultimate Christmas Miracle.