More This and More That

We just got back from our FIFTH anniversary trip to the UP. Every year, we leave for a day trip to go to one of the great lakes and check out a lighthouse we've never seen. We thought this would be a good way to remember how beautiful Maine was, where we went for our honeymoon. So this year... since it's such a HUGE milestone ;-) we decided to take off for the weekend. Only... silly me NO CAMERA!!!! UGGGHHH and we broke tradition.... =( no lighthouse. We did have fun though!

We got to the cabin late Friday night. I heard a woman screaming in the middle of the night, which was odd since we were in the middle of thousands of acres by OURSELVES, so I concluded it must have been a bobcat in the yard... somehow Rob slept right through it!!!

On Saturday, my very patient husband took me antiquing. We found an adorable old quilt for the baby's room and now we FINALLY have a color scheme based on that! Nothing seemed right till I saw the quilt! Brown, yellow, pink and green!!! I'm not one for traditional baby colors.

Then on Sunday we headed to lake Superior and Rob's very patient 5 month pregnant wife, bundled herself up (it was only in the 40's on the beach) and hauled her camping chair and book through miles =) (ok... a few hundred feet) of sandy beach, in order to watch her husband enjoy surf fishing, in which after about an hour and a half he finally caught and released one fish. We then left (my bladder overflowing and stomach grumbling) at about 8:00 as the sun set on the beach. It was nice... really... just... awkward with the belly... but we did it! Yea me!

And on Monday on our way home we went to the notorious "Oswald's Bears". I am PETRIFIED of bears!!! But this helped me get over it. You know... you're 160,000 times more likely to get in a car accident than hurt by a bear... nice to know huh!? This place had ACRES AND ACRES of bears fenced in and you could walk around and look at them. See them wrestle with each other, scratch their backs, nurse their babies... it was VERY cool! I'm just glad there was a fence between us!

That's that! We're back and ready for our sixth year of marriage!!!! What an AWESOME year it will be. I truly have an AMAZING husband.

This and That

Sorry if that last post was a little too emotional for some of you! =)

I just can't put into words what it felt like seeing our baby for the first time. I had always loved that song since we started adopting David and Guillanda, it seemed like it spoke of a family mixed by biology and adoption, womb and heart... a perfect fit for our family. I just bawl each time I hear that song, because it includes all my kids and puts into perfect words how I feel for them. Some people have been wondering if Rob and I feel greater love for our birth baby... but honestly... I can only say... seeing her for the first time was just as emotional as the moment we knew David and Guillanda were supposed to be part of our life. I don't say that to devalue this little one growing inside of me... but each child is equally valued by God.... and in my heart, David and Guillanda will always be part of our family, and I hope our entire family will grow to understand that in a healthy way in which they all feel just as valued.


So the ultrasound... was... AWESOME... I didn't want it to end!!! At all!!! I loved watching our little one move around... and she moves a LOT! Jeepers... they had a hard time getting pictures of her... that ultrasound wand went screaming around my belly at points. I think we have an active worshiper on our hands!!! Certainly not a traditionalist I would guess.

It was awesome hearing Rob's comments and amazement. Not much can draw you closer than a child!!! It's certainly God's design. I can feel the baby move a lot more... I think we might have had our first chance at feeling hiccups yesterday. And baby kicked my mom for her birthday! My nephew got a chance to feel baby kick too.

I honestly CANNOT imagine not having life in me... I can't wait for her to come... but how WEIRD will it feel when there's no more twisting and turning in me where ever I go!!?? Hopefully it's God's will to send us our next one right away!!! =)

So God gave me a beautiful word about our baby and other things today.

As I sat on our porch and prayed, near the end of my prayer, little birds of all different types started flying from here and there and landing on our barn roof. And as they were flying around I heard them all chirping... but most of all... I heard a Robin making a beautiful song. I thought that was weird... a Robin is usually heard singing like that in the spring, not the fall... fall is for Blue Jays! But God seemed to say to me, "even in the end seasons new life can be heard and celebrated, that's how it will be with your child". I'm a very season oriented person... I love all 4 seasons... but I find a lot of times my spiritual and emotional life seems to parallel the actual seasons. This time... it's doesn't seem to be going that way. Last year at this time exactly we were getting a phone call saying our children were going back home with their birth parents. It seemed as the leaves were starting to fall, so was one of our dreams. And spring... brought some healing... some new growth... and one special new growth found in my belly in May. But wait...our little new life... will be coming in the heart of winter. That... does not parallel the season... new life in the middle of winter!!?? I think it's God's way of showing me to be more open minded. We cannot restrict or predict His actions by how life has gone in the past. He has turned our end season, into a new season worth celebrating!

Also, on a side note, while I was praying, I asked God to decrease my selfishness and increase my love and interest in other people... I asked Him to increase my selfLESSness. As I look at this birds on my barn roof...(the STRANGE mix... we're not just talking a common flock... for some reason chickadees, crows, mourning doves, Robins, cowbirds, pheobes and finches were ALL sitting on my roof, God knows I LOVE birds) God said... if I can increase the birds for you, how much more can I increase your selflessness. Just believe.

God is so awesome!!!! Like Christmas every morning!! I love Him!
More updates soon... belly pictures too... coming soon... I guess......

Inside My Skin

Inside my skin, there is this space

That twisted and turned, that bled and ached

Inside my heart, there was an empty room

It was waiting for lightening

It was waiting for you


I am wanting

I am needing you here

Inside the Absence of Fear

You're Muscle and Sinew, Velvet and Stone

My vessel was haunted, it creaked and moaned

Now my bones call to you, in the same skin

I made myself translucent, to let you in.

I am wanting

and I am needing you here

Inside the Absence of Fear

There is this hunger, this restlessness inside of me

And it knows that your no stranger, your my gravity

My hands will adore you through all darkness and hate

We would have laid you out in the moonlight to reinvent your names.

I am wanting

I am needing you here

I need you

Need you

Inside the Absence of Fear.

(Lyrics by Jewel)

Half Way Mark

Yes... we've officially reached it!!! HOW WEIRD!! How FAST time has gone!!!!


Today I had another doctors appointment. Everything went great. Baby's heart rate was 150. And get this... so the Doctor is listening for the heart beat and says... "Well, there's two heart beats" needless to say MINE skipped a beat and I said "TWO?" (I would actually LOVE it... but it was a shock) then she says... "Well, yep, yours is the slower one and the baby's is the faster one". Well I KNEW that...geesh!!! I told the doctor I wouldn't be surprised if MINE was actually the faster one after that comment!!!!


So... no twins... as far as we know! =) My ultrasound is scheduled for Tuesday... I'm VERY excited but VERY VERY emotional... why did it go this fast!!?? Can't we just stop time and savor these moments a little longer!!!???? =(


I feel very BIG for being about 20 weeks! I honestly feel like I look like someone 7-8 months pregnant! But I still weigh 10 pounds less then when I got pregnant so that's good. I guess I'm just destined to show off my child!!


I'll keep you all posted on the ultrasound! I'm SURE it's a bouncing happy baby girl! What do you think!!??

Love Hope

I GOT A "KICK" OUT OF THIS....

Last night, as we got ready to go to bed... Rob put his hand on my belly... leaned over toward my stomach and in a deep loud voice said "HEY BABY, IT's YOUR DADDY!" And... according to my pregnancy books... the baby just started to hear within the last couple weeks...





Rob hadn't felt the baby move yet. I had... I can feel it churning on the inside...

Well...





Needless to say... Rob must have startled the baby, because I felt the poor little thing JOLT! Rob certainly felt it this time... for the first time!! I'm so excited for him! All I could say without bawling is...





"Isn't that more beautiful than the best lightning storm ever!?"





Oh the things we say when were pregnant....

I Press On

Ok, time for a confession. So I bought this BEAUTIFUL picture for our home of some horses racing forward, and on the picture Phillipians 3:14 is written.

"I press on toward the goal, to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Jesus Christ"

So the real confession is that this verse honestly has never really insipred me for some reason, VERY sad, I know!!!! I guess maybe I didn't get it. I bought the picture for the horses and thought it was s nice touch that it had a bible verse on it, I actually forgot until this morning, what verse WAS on it!

Well, this morning, during my God time, God told me to turn to Phillipians 3:14 (I had even forgotten what the verse said). As I turned there I was a little disappointed, because I just don't get this verse completely. So I asked God... what IS the goal?? Heaven??? I already HAVE that through my salvation, why do I need to "press on TOWARDS it". Ok.... I'm letting you all see the stupid side of me.... but it's good to be humble right?

So God tells me this.... "When you come to heaven I will want to see how you've invested what I've given you. Have you taken my talents and invested and multiplied them, or have you merely burried your faith and salvation in a jar, hoping to turn it in to Me in heaven some day like a ticket to enter. If you've invested wisely, and brought me a harvest, I will say, well done good and faithful servant, and there is no better prize than that!"

Matthew 25: 14-30

Amen... once again... I'm humbled and I ask God to give me the wisdom to invest wisely in people around me, pour what God has given me into them.

Now I get it. I will press on.

Signs of "Fall"

Oh how I love Michigan... yes it might be AUGUST... but you know fall is coming when the steam starts to roll off your pond in the morning! I've been excited to see this the last few mornings... you know what it means... the water is warmer than the air! It got down into the 40's last night!! And that is a joyous thing to me! I love fall... if we could have 10 months of fall and 2 of winter... or maybe 6 of each... I would be a VERY happy person. I may have been created to live in Alaska!

However... this wasn't the only type of "Fall" I saw signs of this morning!

After feeding my horse I went out to sit on the swing by the pond to pray and to watch the steam come off the pond. And God lovingly said to me that our prayers are like that steam. You see in the water cycle... that steam cannot turn into liquid again until it hits the heavens... then it FALLS down as rain and stays for a while, gathered in the pond. Our prayers cannot turn into blessing until we literally lift them up to heaven either. We can wish things... but until we lift them up to God, we will never get blessings FALLING on us, and answers rained back down upon us... they need to reach the heavens first. And isn't great when those blessings do FALL and pool up, staying with us a while, like a baby or an adopted child coming home! So we all need to keep the cycle of prayer going!! And I am praying for all of you!

Feeling Better AND FINALLY......

Thanks for your prayers I think I'm over the worst of things. I feel fine... I just still can't hear well since my ears are still plugged. I guess some women are prone to "stuffy ears" in there fourth and fifth months, and mine just happened to be kicked off by an allergy attack. I guess here in Michigan a lot of people with mild allergies are getting hit hard this summer and I'm one of them! =) Yippeeee!

NOW.... da da dada.... for the real big news.........

I have officially felt the baby move!!!!!!!!! OH MY WORD PEOPLE!! How amazing!!

It's very subtle and gentle... no big jabs yet. But I can feel the baby "roll". At first I didn't know what I was feeling. Now it's all making sense. I told my mom... "It feels like every time I stand up everything in my stomach rolls downward, but now it's happening a lot... like even when I'm walking or laying in bed!!!" My mom said "Honey that's not everything in your stomach... that's SOMEONE!" Makes sense... you can tell I'm a first timer... duh. Now that I know what I'm feeling.. I can totally tell it's the baby. I can feel my belly get hard... then soft... then hard again... at night, and I can tell it's probably a little butt or back.

WOOO HOOO another sign of life!!! I love pregnancy!!! I hope I'm pregnant again this time NEXT year!!!! Well...... maybe... =)

Love to all of you! Thanks for praying!!!!!

sick

So I have been sick for over a week now. I hate being a whiner... but to be honest... I am being one. I am generally a healthy person!!! If I get sick I'm better in a day or two!! I have not gone to the doctors yet... because every day I feel a little bit better... and being pregnant, I doubt there is much to do but wait it out anyway. Prayers would be appreciated. Basically both ears are plugged and I can hardly hear a thing. Last night we watched a movie and Rob had tell me everything they were saying... finally... I kid you not... we turned the TV up as loud as it could go. Poor Rob. =)

Secondly. I have really really been missing and thinking about David and Guillanda a lot lately. It just still crosses my mind why the situation seemed totally of God and now we are going the opposite direction. Recently a horse trainer told me an analogy that helped me quite a bit. She said when she trains a horse for a show she never trains them on the exact course they actually will go through during the competition because she doesn't want the horse to be stuck to a routine or a comfort zone. She trains them to do the things needed for the show but in a different order, so they want to follow her direction... not what they think they can already expect. The horses have to rely on her... not what they think they already know. Then she said, she sometimes even will lead a horse all the way up to an obstacle in the course and command it to move away from the obstacle at the very last minute instead of jumping over it. Her reason for doing this is basically the same. She wants to know the horse is willing to follow her... not just do what it thinks it "should", not just jump over the next thing coming. A horse should always be in tune to what it's master wants... and so should we when it comes to our God. That helped... but I still catch myself wandering back to the barrel and really wanting to jump it! I guess like the simple mind of a horse... my mind does the same thing... "it's there... it just doesn't make sense to put it there if you don't want me to jump it!" But, I would rather listen to my trainer... I would benefit better in the long run.

The Beat Goes On at 14 weeks!!!

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated!

Yesterday we had our second Doctor's appointment. We heard the baby's heart beat again! How exciting! The baby's heart rate was 160. (The doc said that doesn't mean it's a boy... that's a myth) We could also hear the baby jumping around a lot... and I mean A LOT... very busy baby. I haven't been able to feel the baby move yet though. I can't wait for that!!!!!!!!

I am feeling a lot better... starting to be hungry... and sometimes VERY VERY hungry! Once in a while smells still bother me, but not nearly as much as they were. I am also starting to actually have a little energy but even the slightest heat REALLY bothers me. I feel like such a wimp... but I CAN'T WAIT for fall!!!

We will be getting an ultrasound in September. I was hoping it would be sooner, but that's ok. We will be trying to find out the baby's gender. Can't wait!!

Right now I have a cold... and that stinks since I just have to wait it out! But... this too will pass!
That's all for now! Thanks for celebrating with us and praying for us.

Just a Few Words..

Well... Sermon on the Mount went GREAT... about 15 people asked for salvation and a lot of family and friends came. We were SO blessed to sit at the feet of such great people and just listen and learn this week. Blaze preached an amazing sermon... yes BLAZE! How exciting is that!! If you want to see pictures and hear more about this event I'll be updating Blazespage in a couple of days. Thank you for your prayers for this event!

I am 10 days away from being OUT of my first trimester!!!!! Still not showing, but I can feel a difference inside me. WHERE has time gone!!! I am eagerly looking forward to the return of my appetite!

And lastly.... =( we got our fingerprint appointment in the mail yesterday. It was an unexpected even that just made my heart sink... BUT overall I am rejoicing and still praying for unity and prosperity for our children's family. God's plan is always better than my own!

A "Blanket of Blessing" and Sermon on the Mount

Well... a couple of days ago when I rolled over on my belly... I could tell something was there!!!!! That was another great confirmation! =) Just thought I would share the news... that's the first time I ever felt a difference! Baby is about the size of a match box car now (from what I'm understanding and reading anyway). On the downside... I have officially been "sick" for the first time... please pray it's the last...



We were extremely blessed today as a lady at our church, who never knew us until we shared our testimony, has volunteered to make blankets and things for the nursery. She has a sewing business and felt God lead her to bless us in this way. We are just so touched and humbled by God's vast love and blessing in this situation. This wonderful lady prayed over us at the end of church today and just blessed us so much with encouragement. I just love when God's people bless each other in ways like this. Thank you Lord! May we be just as faithful.



On another note... we have a GREAT ministry coming to town this week in which I and my horse get the honor of being involved in. It's called Sermon On The Mount.

Lew Sterret is a horse trainer and a pastor. What he does is trains horses while doing a live sermon at the same time in front of an audience and comparing what he is doing with the horse to us and our lives and our relationship with the Lord. If you could PLEASE pray for this ministry, it would be a huge blessing. We're praying that people that do not know the Lord, but do know horses, will be touched and see God in a way they never have before. It will be this Tues, Weds, and Thurs. night at the Isabella County Fairgrounds from 5:30pm-8:00pm. Please come if you can...and bring friends... it's a free event! Thanks in advance for your prayers!!!

A BEAT WORTH KEEPING!!!

We heard the heart beat of our baby last week!! The awesome thing is it was 5 weeks earlier than our Dr. had ever remembered hearing a baby's heartbeat before! At first we couldn't hear anything... then our wonderful Dr. said a PRAYER (how COOL is that!!??) and immediately after we could hear a very faint heart beat and it got louder and louder!!!!!!



WOOOO HOOOOO there is REALLY a living human being INSIDE ME!!!!!!!!!!
PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Feeling ok

Just a little update... I'm feeling ok... still a little nausea but I have not gotten sick! I'm finding it hard to even drive by areas that I have fealt "sick" around... how wierd is that!!? It kick starts the nausea again, so I find a detour!

My first doc appointment is Thursday! Rob talks to the baby already... I'm totally loving that, it's so stinkin' cute! I will keep you all posted!

Thank You

Thanks to everyone who prayed. The funeral went as to be expected. God is giving strength to the family and they are receiving it. A lot of good God things are coming out of the tragedy. Continue to pray for the family please. For unity and for God to be center and for God to be understood during this confusing time.

As far as me and baby go...

Baby is about the size of a grape! Fingers and toes formed or forming and believe it or not it's already the start of my third month today!

I am changing prenatal vitamins, been off the old ones two days already and feeling better... let's hope the new ones do the trick!! I felt so yucky the other day I couldn't even drink water... that's just not healthy!!! Did Mary have to take stinkin' prenatal vitamins!!?? I doubt it... and look how good Jesus turned out!

;-)