Continuing Completion

I'm sure you're wondering

2010-01-14T08:57:00.002-05:00

And so are we. First of all praise God that the Orphanage David and Guillanda used to live in did not collapse and the children are all ok. I'm sure there are many employees however who have tragedy in their families and I am sure there are some that have not yet been heard from.

As for David and Guillanda's family... we know nothing and it may be a very long time before we know. The orphanage needs to work on their immediate concerns before they can send anyone to look for them of course so we are just trying our best to trust and put them in God's hands. Just please pray for them. And pray diligently.

Someone once told me when I was pregnant "Having your 'own' baby will help so much, you will love her so much more than David and Guillanda... you'll see... it's just different when they're 'your own'"

I can honestly say... that is not true at all. We think of David and Guillanda every day and this tragedy has proved more than ever that we love them just the same as Hannah. There is a deep connection that happened that we just honestly cannot explain. Although we totally respect that they have birth parents that love them and are raising them... they are in our hearts as our children too. We love them so much. If I could... I would go dig through rubble too and just honestly run through Petionville screaming their names like I did in my dream last night to see if anyone would answer. Maybe even just someone who knows them. When the news reports come on... I get close to the TV to see if maybe David or Guillanda are in the background. I don't know that I have ever had to lean on God as much as right now.

For those of you who have helped raise money for our adoptions of David and Guillanda, we still have it all in an account and we are seeking God on how best to use it during this crisis. It WILL be used now. We will not be keeping it for a future adoption as we have planned up to this point. When that day comes God will provide again if it's His will too. To keep the money during such massive need would be very selfish, and if you disagree, I love you... but I would love to sit you in the middle of Haiti right now and ask you to hold that cash in your hands and tell those people you would not help because you are going to save that money to build your future family as their current families are ravaged among them. So please understand... your efforts to raise this money for us... astonished us and BLESSED us and showed us how loved we are, now it's time to put all that fund raising to good work. Thank you. Little did you know back then what your money would REALLY be doing today.

I will keep you all updated as well as I can.

David and Guillanda

2009-07-10T13:57:00.003-04:00

About a week ago David was seen "begging" in the streets. The orphanage checked into the situation and the mom brought the kids in saying she wanted to give them up for adoption again so they could have a better life. The mom said that David does occasionally ask people on the streets for money, but it seems apparent that the kids and family actually look well and they're not living on the streets. The O told Rosaline (their mom) to come back the next day with the dad as well so they could all really talk things out, but no one has shown up. It is probably best if the kids stay with their own family, they need consistency. Please sincerely pray for them though. The mom often seems tired and worn out to me. Please pray for her strength and joy. Pray for the dad to engage more with his kids (assuming he's not... he may very well be) and pray for the kids to have continued health and good moral upbringing. Pray most of all that they have the Lord in their lives. Rob and I would love to be in touch with the family more often, so pray that if it's God's will, He will open a door for this. Pray also that if they need the Lord, God would put a mentor in the center of their lives for His purpose. Thank you.

WHY????

2009-04-29T14:14:00.002-04:00

I know... it's been a long time! Life is busy, and I love to spend time with Hannah more than time on the computer these days... but while she's napping let's see how far I can get. (I know I need to put up new pictures... I'll try soon!)

So here's the thing today. Lately... I have been a little frustrated with God. Let me just be honest. I feel like sometimes I pray and I pray.. and I see no answer.

WHY God when I pray for my gallbladder pain to go away, does it just keep coming, WHY when we are broke, do we pray and see no relief and actually see things get worse, why do children live in poverty, why do innocent children die, why do family members get hurt, why are some men so horrible to their significant others, why can't some women have babies, why!!?? Sometimes I just want to scream at God WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????????? Have you ever felt like that!? PLEASE tell me I'm not alone.

During my prayer time today though God gave me some insight and reminders. Sometimes when we feel surrounded by frustrations or sadness, we lose sight of the blessings, and more often than not the blessings are more numerous... make a list of negatives and positives next to each other... take your time though, like me, it's possible you've lost sight of the blessings and need time to rediscover them.

There can be SO many reasons for the negatives. Sometimes, we allow ourselves to be stuck in a bad situation when God does has a door open for us to escape RIGHT in front of us. In those situations, God cannot be blamed...

God can never be blamed.

As I look in the Bible I see very few times, if ANY at all, that GOD causes the negative things to happen. Even in Job's case... the bad did not come from GOD it came from the Devil. And in the end of that story Job came away blessed because, although he was frustrated with God, he never cursed God.

So where do these negatives come from... I often lose sight of the fact that there is so much CRUD in the world because we have the freedom to choose our own actions. That freedom is not a bad thing... it's a blessing. If we were not free to choose how to live our lives, we would merely be God's puppets, and we would not have the chance to make our own decisions... kind of like living under a dictator. But God loves us... like a good parent, He's there to step in but He let's us learn from our own choices. So the yuck in this world, even the diseases, often stem from somebodies freedom to choose gone wrong... someone abusing their freedom and making bad choices.

And then there is this most important thing to remember. God will turn ALL things good for those that love them. Even the death of a family member. It's hard to see it when you're in the midst of the grief... but there is a big picture. For example, when my dad died, I had to remember cancer did not AND NEVER DOES come from the hand of God, it comes from the pollution of this imperfect world. But God can bring healing, and if He doesn't it may be that He sees a big picture that we don't. I know that my Dad's death brought A LOT of people closer to God, including myself. Many people saw him stay close to God even while he suffered, and they knew he had something they didn't have yet, but they wanted... and that's a deep faith. I honestly want to say I don't believe it was God's will for my dad to die, but isn't that putting God in a box. HE saw the big picture. Wouldn't it be better to have my dad die and 100 people become believers than my dad to live and those same 100 people never have a major change in their lives and possibly never have eternal life?

I put God in the box a lot. I USED to believe growing up that God was just God... what will be will be... if someone is sick... we could always HOPE that God might heal them. I eventually came to see that I was putting God in an untouchable box...forgetting that he gave us the power of the Holy Spirit to pray for healing and other things. God is very near to us... like a friend.

But then, I ended up putting Him in another box... assuming He always will heal everyone etc... I have FINALLY learned to realize, it's somewhere in between. More often than not, we can move God with our prayers. More often than not, He will HEAL. But when we don't see that happen... when we pray and the results are not always good... we need to realize, God sees the big picture... He knows why things have to happen the way they do.

One thing I know... whether we get the outcome we want or not with our prayers... God is always good. He will always take care of us. He always hears us and He KNOWS our hearts.

When we choose to believe in Him and have faith in Him we should choose to accept HE IS GOD and we are not. God does work in mysterious ways. We need to accept that in every movement He makes He has us in mind ALWAYS, none of us are forgotten, not for a moment. When we accept Him, we also accept He is a God that works outSIDE of a box. NOTHING can limit Him. We accept to love and believe in a God who works how HE wants to and when He wants to. If we don't accept that we will have constant struggles with our faith (just saying... from experience).

SO I guess, I wrote this blog entry today to help me sort that all out in front of me and to say that starting again, today, I will accept God how He is. I will be ok with what He does and what He chooses not to do. I know I have the power and authority of the Holy Spirit in me. And most of the time that will move mountains, but I am ok with it if God tells a mountain in my life to sit still for a while because maybe it's to shelter me from what might be on the other side of it if it moves, or to strengthen me as I push against it. You see... we need a certain amount of resistance in our lives or we will be limp and purposeless. If you never walked... if your feet never had to meet the resistance of the pavement, your muscles would never get stronger, if your hand never blistered while you did the spring raking... you would never get the callus on your hand that makes summer chores easier to deal with!

So with your problems... first SERIOUSLY reflect on yourself, are you sitting yourself in the middle of trouble when there is a better way, and if that is not the case, choose to be content with God, He sees things better than we do. There is NO sense in trying to figure it all out... because God already has and He knows what's happening. He will take care of us.

So please add to this and comment on it how you like. What's your opinion!? We can all learn from each other and help each other to view God in the right light!

A Little More Of Me....

2009-02-13T16:57:00.003-05:00

CAN YOU BELIEVE I WILL BE A MONTH OLD ON MONDAY!!!!!

I'm now over 6lbs 13oz and 21 inches long! I can hold my own bottle (kinda), "stand" on my strong legs and I turn my head different directions while laying on mommy... and I love to stare at EVERYTHING!!! And... I am STARTING to let mom and dad sleep a little more at night!

Here She Is

2009-02-09T11:19:00.003-05:00

We have not fallen off the face of the Earth!!!! We've just been enjoying life and not letting much steal us away from our sweet baby girl. But here she is! Born Jan 16. 6lbs 5 oz 18 inches long. Born by C-Section. At 5:33 pm. She is such a GOOD baby. Already starting to get into a routine. There is NOTHING like being a parent!!!!!! It's a glorious thing and worth every tiring moment!!

The Plan

2009-01-13T15:13:00.002-05:00

Dr. Appt. went well. I'm still not dialated. But we are going into the hosp. 7:00 Thursday night, getting induced first thing Friday morning. I would LOVE prayers for a quick and easy delivery. God's peace is stronger than Petosin's wrath!!! I keep repeating that to myself.

Things Are Changing!

2009-01-10T11:57:00.002-05:00

Tommy found a forever home.... we think...

AND Hannah dropped!! I Think.... but I've never quite experienced this before...
Two days ago I just woke up feeling really weird, but couldn't put my finger on it. Then I felt my belly and realized... I could feel my ENTIRE rib cage and even had a little empty spot under my sternum. Also kinda achy in the pelvic bones... I assume this means she's dropped!? We will know for sure on Monday, my next appointment! Thanks for praying!!!

The Latest

2009-01-07T12:54:00.003-05:00

Sorry I haven't updated!!! =)

The latest news is that my blood pressure is down. I'm off bed rest but just have to take it easy.

If I don't have Hannah by NEXT Thursday night I will most likely go in to the hospital Thursday night and be induce Friday morning. It's coming soon!!!! Hannah's Non Stress Tests have all been fine! Thank you Lord. My next update jut might be a baby picture!!!!!

On a side note... we've been blessed to become foster parents of a one and a half year old Yellow Lab... we are desperately looking for a new home for him before Hannah comes. If you know anyone interested that would give him a VERY good home please let us know!!!

update

2008-12-30T13:50:00.002-05:00

Yesterday at the appointment the Dr. didn't see the need to check if I was dilated yet... he recommended me stopping the Brethaine so my contractions can progress naturally now. Still high blood pressure... so he wants me to rest. If I don't go into active labor in the next two weeks He will induce me at 37 weeks. Ugh.... I DON'T want to be induced.... I'm praying I just go into labor. He will check to see if I am dilated next Monday and if I am .... that might change the plans a little... then they might induce sooner. Please just pray I go SAFELY into labor on my own. =)

Results So Far

2008-12-23T12:01:00.002-05:00

Thanks SO SO SO much!!! God has heard your prayers. We had a complete level 2 ultrasound this morning and everything looks great. There is still too much fluid... but no known reason for it. One possibility is that she cannot swallow correctly but they won't be able to tell that until she's born, at which time they'll put a feeding tube into her belly through her esophagus to make sure there's nothing blocking her ability to swallow. If she was not able to swallow, it could explain an extra amount of fluid.
Hannah looks perfect. Her lungs, kidneys, heart, brain, physical structure, intestines, spine etc... all look good. Her head is still a little bigger than her body, but the Dr. thought it might be a hereditary thing since there is no swelling on the brain and not too extreme of a difference. It looks like the amniotic fluid has gone down even though it's still high. The main concern since there is extra fluid is that the baby can move so much she may be at risk of a cord around the neck, also there is a risk that the cord could try to be born before her, causing a blood flow cut off to her. SO chances are if I'm not dialated this monday, they might take me off the contraction meds and allow me to go into labor if I go. If I'm dialated this Monday they might choose induce labor soon so she can be born in a controlled atmosphere and the cord would not fall in the way. I'm still on bed rest for high blood pressure. But enjoying the fire and the Christmas Tree. Rob has been an awesome Husband taking care of things around here. Thanks so much for your prayers!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!
Love Hope

Prayer Request

2008-12-21T10:20:00.003-05:00

I'm back on bed rest and

without going into too many details please just pray that Hannah is safe and that my body and hers function properly along with God's will. I have more amniotic fluid in me than I should, so on Monday we will have another ultrasound and Doc appointment to try to get down to the nitty gritty of why. Nothing too alarming, but please just pray in agreement with us that this pregnancy would align itself with God's will and be completely healthy in it's last few weeks as it has been up to this point. More details soon. Until then...here's a new picture of our baby girl!!! Don't you just want to pinch those CHEEKS!!!!

Praise God!

2008-12-15T13:12:00.003-05:00

I'm off bed rest but I'm supposed to take it easy. My blood pressure is still high but not as high as it was. I can go back to work!!! My contractions were not and are not Braxton Hicks, they are actual Preterm contractions, but I had a test done~ a LOVELY test I might add~ and the results showed I was safe from going into labor for at least the next two weeks! Pray that I really don't go into Labor until I'm to term though, and that my blood pressure will keep dropping. Thanks for all your prayers!!!

well hmmmmm....

2008-12-12T17:24:00.001-05:00

It seems I have high bloodpressure and am having too many contractions too early.... so bedrest until at least Monday...then the doc will reevaluate! I'll keep you posted.

WOW!!!

2008-12-08T12:12:00.002-05:00

It has amazed me how life has been reeling lately as we get closer to Hannah's birth.

I have been trying to get four months of lesson plans done ahead of time for substitute teachers... I didn't think that would be so bad... just a lot of sitting at the computer... but I soon have come to find.. .that also means running to the store ahead of time to buy 4 months of supplies, pulling 4 months of story books of the shelf and 4 months worth of files out of the cabinet... it seems so hard to let my kids go! I have AWESOME teachers coming in to replace me... but they deserve the best preparations... so that has been driving me BATTY!!!!

Also... I have been having light contractions anywhere from 5 minutes apart to 30 minutes apart... it's kinda cool... a little uncomfortable though, and it just makes me think of the reality of my Beautiful Baby Girl coming anytime! I want her too come when GOD wants her to come... but I want to be ready! =)

The room is ready... ready enough to live in... but of course I would still love an entire day to nest in it a little more.

The house is ready... but I feel like every tiny dust bunny that pops up MUST be removed IMMEDIATELY!! =) Hehehe... I know soon the reality will hit me... that this will become an impossible task.

Then I was reminded today that Hannah is coming into the world at the end of the TAX SEASON!!! Meaning... I need to get on the ball and be prepared to close the books and send out tax forms.... uggghhhhhh

I have not kept up with this blog because of all this craziness... =) not to mention parent teacher conferences every night in December. But I DO LOVE conferences.

Life is now fast paced and I assume it will be like this for quite a while.

I have an appointment with the Doc. Thursday! If there is any new news I will let you know! AND YES... I KNOW... BELLY PICS!!! I just have to take the time to pose!!! You won't believe my belly. Last week a little girl I used to teach saw me, and her mommy was telling her I was going to have a baby... the little girl said "She doesn't have a baby in there... she just ate the WHOLE Turkey!" And my friends... she could not have hit the nail on the head any more directly... I look like the thanksgiving turkey is stuck in my belly.... minus the drumsticks! =)

BUT I LOVE IT!!! I can't wait to kiss my girl though!!! I'm ready to see her!!!!!!!

Thanks for your prayers!!!!!!!

Update

2008-11-11T20:45:00.002-05:00

Well the Doc. said everything looks good! Not much to update you on... but no news can be good news. I have been struggling with losing feeling in my hands, but the doctor said that is normal for some women during pregnancy. Hannah LOVES to move and wiggle and kick. Especially at about 5:00 every morning... but I love it! I just lay there and LOVE it!!!

My dear dear DEAR coworkers threw me a surprise shower. I was so blessed. They went in on buying me a Moses Basket and a cute Onsie. I also received many other nice things. Thanks to everyone who made it happen!

My family is throwing us a shower this weekend. It's such a blessing when you're surrounded by so many people that love you and want to bless you. It's humbling and such a blessing.

I am getting in panic phase since the doctor told me I should be prepared to go into labor anytime after January 1st (even though our due date is still Feb 3rd). It just makes me think of the things we still DON'T have... yikes......

But if God takes care of the birds and dresses the flowers... He will take care of Hannah too.

David and Guillanda have been on my heart a lot lately. I get very emotional when I think of them (which is still very often). Please just continue to keep them in your prayers.

That's all for now!

Happy Halloween From the Three Of Us!

2008-10-30T10:05:00.003-04:00

This Halloween, let God carve open your heart, pull out the garbage inside, carve a smile on your face and put the light of His Holy Spirit Inside!

Thank You

2008-10-26T18:26:00.003-04:00

Thank you for all your comments about Hannah! We are so blessed! We named her Hannah because of the Bible Story God used to let us know we would be having her, for anyone who was wondering. I grew up having a meaning to my name and loved it... and we both really feel that it's important to know why your parents gave you the name that they did.

Dylan is doing much much better. Thanks for your prayers. He needs to stay home for two weeks now so he doesn't get sick from any outside sources. After the next two weeks he should be out of the woods. I know you'll all be praying for him until then, and we thank you!

God Bless!!!

Some Bad and Some Good

2008-10-23T15:10:00.002-04:00

Well everyone. Please continue to pray for Dylan, his fever is high again and they're not letting him out of the hospital yet. This is really scary with a one year old. Please pray for him, he's so little... they need to figure this out soon. Please also pray for his parents. They're worn out and worried. Thank you!

On the other hand... we would like to officially introduce you to our daughter Hannah. (note the new picture of her)
She is just SO SO SO stinkin' CUTE! God did a great job!!!!!!

Oh Glorious Day

2008-10-23T09:21:00.003-04:00

So first off... Gibson is out of the hospital and doing much better, and Dylan either is home or will be very soon! They treated Dylan for Kawasaki Disease (yep...we'd never heard of it either), an inflammation of the blood vessels around the heart. He should be fine, but pray him through a little more if you don't mind since they never totally put their finger on if that was the problem or not. They treated him for it anyway and he seems to be doing better. Thanks for praying! Praise God!

Secondly... we go for ultrasound 2 today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO SO SO excited!!!! Can't wait to see our little one again. We'll be sure to fill you in!

And last but NOT least.....

I FINALLY GOT MY PIANO!!! Thank you so so much God! Thanks for giving me the desire of my heart since I was six years old. I hated T-Ball, I hated soccer.... I JUST wanted a piano or violin. I guess good things come to those who wait. We are so so so so blessed. I just about bawled my eyes out all the way to pick it up! This thing is SO huge... it's old too and if you know me. you know I LOVE old! I played it for about 3 hours last night. Rob eventually went to bed without even telling me. He said he didn't want to interrupt my flow. =)

So needless to say.... all these things together... make a GLORIOUS day!

Thanks for praying! Thank you God for hearing us!

pray pray pray

2008-10-21T09:40:00.002-04:00

Please be in prayer for two of my nephews! They both live hundreds of miles apart from each other, but they both seem to be suffering from the same unknown something.

My nephew Dylan is only a year old and in the hospital with a 105 degree fever. They thought he had spinal meningitis, drew spinal fluid from him and found out it was not that. Then they thought it was some other disease.... found out it was not THAT and now they are just waiting to find out what might be wrong. PLEASE pray for him, and especially for his fever to go down.

My nephew Gibson is also in the hospital with a 103 degree fever and the doctors are unsure of what HIS situation is too! Please pray the same way for him.

Dylan and Gibson seem to be having the same symptoms and they're both very lethargic. Please please pray for them and for everyone around them. thanks.

Then on a selfish note....

Some of you might remember my blog entry about wanting a Piano. Well... we still have been asking God for one. And we are in the running for a free piano. It's knocking my SOCKS off how God gives us the desires of our hearts!!! There are two people before us that have dibs... but if they don't want it... it's all ours. What a HUGE blessing!!!!! It brings me to tears. So while your praying... you could pray this blessing through for us... also... PRAISE God because one of my dear sweet preschool parents, gave Rob and I a free car seat, BRAND new (only used for a month). We are SO BLESSED it humbles me!

Thank you Lord!

A little bit bigger??

2008-10-09T13:33:00.002-04:00

Well we had another doctors appointment today! The baby and I measure a little bigger than expected. But they say at this point they don't know if that means the baby is just a big baby... or that we're a little farther along than expected. Everything is still going well though!
From the last ultrasound they THINK the baby is a girl.... but they're not giving us a guarantee. We get to have another ultrasound because of this!!!! In the end of October. I'm still feeling GREAT! I love this experience. Thanks for all your comments and support!!

Please pray for David and Guillanda's family. We're trying to get in touch with them since after the hurricanes and have heard nothing yet. We want to help if we can, but now we're afraid the dad will not respond to phone calls still. Please just pray we hear something. But most of all pray, they are happy and healthy and in love with God.

God Bless you all!!!

More This and More That

2008-09-30T08:16:00.002-04:00

We just got back from our FIFTH anniversary trip to the UP. Every year, we leave for a day trip to go to one of the great lakes and check out a lighthouse we've never seen. We thought this would be a good way to remember how beautiful Maine was, where we went for our honeymoon. So this year... since it's such a HUGE milestone ;-) we decided to take off for the weekend. Only... silly me NO CAMERA!!!! UGGGHHH and we broke tradition.... =( no lighthouse. We did have fun though!

We got to the cabin late Friday night. I heard a woman screaming in the middle of the night, which was odd since we were in the middle of thousands of acres by OURSELVES, so I concluded it must have been a bobcat in the yard... somehow Rob slept right through it!!!

On Saturday, my very patient husband took me antiquing. We found an adorable old quilt for the baby's room and now we FINALLY have a color scheme based on that! Nothing seemed right till I saw the quilt! Brown, yellow, pink and green!!! I'm not one for traditional baby colors.

Then on Sunday we headed to lake Superior and Rob's very patient 5 month pregnant wife, bundled herself up (it was only in the 40's on the beach) and hauled her camping chair and book through miles =) (ok... a few hundred feet) of sandy beach, in order to watch her husband enjoy surf fishing, in which after about an hour and a half he finally caught and released one fish. We then left (my bladder overflowing and stomach grumbling) at about 8:00 as the sun set on the beach. It was nice... really... just... awkward with the belly... but we did it! Yea me!

And on Monday on our way home we went to the notorious "Oswald's Bears". I am PETRIFIED of bears!!! But this helped me get over it. You know... you're 160,000 times more likely to get in a car accident than hurt by a bear... nice to know huh!? This place had ACRES AND ACRES of bears fenced in and you could walk around and look at them. See them wrestle with each other, scratch their backs, nurse their babies... it was VERY cool! I'm just glad there was a fence between us!

That's that! We're back and ready for our sixth year of marriage!!!! What an AWESOME year it will be. I truly have an AMAZING husband.

This and That

2008-09-25T11:09:00.003-04:00

Sorry if that last post was a little too emotional for some of you! =)

I just can't put into words what it felt like seeing our baby for the first time. I had always loved that song since we started adopting David and Guillanda, it seemed like it spoke of a family mixed by biology and adoption, womb and heart... a perfect fit for our family. I just bawl each time I hear that song, because it includes all my kids and puts into perfect words how I feel for them. Some people have been wondering if Rob and I feel greater love for our birth baby... but honestly... I can only say... seeing her for the first time was just as emotional as the moment we knew David and Guillanda were supposed to be part of our life. I don't say that to devalue this little one growing inside of me... but each child is equally valued by God.... and in my heart, David and Guillanda will always be part of our family, and I hope our entire family will grow to understand that in a healthy way in which they all feel just as valued.

So the ultrasound... was... AWESOME... I didn't want it to end!!! At all!!! I loved watching our little one move around... and she moves a LOT! Jeepers... they had a hard time getting pictures of her... that ultrasound wand went screaming around my belly at points. I think we have an active worshiper on our hands!!! Certainly not a traditionalist I would guess.

It was awesome hearing Rob's comments and amazement. Not much can draw you closer than a child!!! It's certainly God's design. I can feel the baby move a lot more... I think we might have had our first chance at feeling hiccups yesterday. And baby kicked my mom for her birthday! My nephew got a chance to feel baby kick too.

I honestly CANNOT imagine not having life in me... I can't wait for her to come... but how WEIRD will it feel when there's no more twisting and turning in me where ever I go!!?? Hopefully it's God's will to send us our next one right away!!! =)

So God gave me a beautiful word about our baby and other things today.

As I sat on our porch and prayed, near the end of my prayer, little birds of all different types started flying from here and there and landing on our barn roof. And as they were flying around I heard them all chirping... but most of all... I heard a Robin making a beautiful song. I thought that was weird... a Robin is usually heard singing like that in the spring, not the fall... fall is for Blue Jays! But God seemed to say to me, "even in the end seasons new life can be heard and celebrated, that's how it will be with your child". I'm a very season oriented person... I love all 4 seasons... but I find a lot of times my spiritual and emotional life seems to parallel the actual seasons. This time... it's doesn't seem to be going that way. Last year at this time exactly we were getting a phone call saying our children were going back home with their birth parents. It seemed as the leaves were starting to fall, so was one of our dreams. And spring... brought some healing... some new growth... and one special new growth found in my belly in May. But wait...our little new life... will be coming in the heart of winter. That... does not parallel the season... new life in the middle of winter!!?? I think it's God's way of showing me to be more open minded. We cannot restrict or predict His actions by how life has gone in the past. He has turned our end season, into a new season worth celebrating!

Also, on a side note, while I was praying, I asked God to decrease my selfishness and increase my love and interest in other people... I asked Him to increase my selfLESSness. As I look at this birds on my barn roof...(the STRANGE mix... we're not just talking a common flock... for some reason chickadees, crows, mourning doves, Robins, cowbirds, pheobes and finches were ALL sitting on my roof, God knows I LOVE birds) God said... if I can increase the birds for you, how much more can I increase your selflessness. Just believe.

God is so awesome!!!! Like Christmas every morning!! I love Him!
More updates soon... belly pictures too... coming soon... I guess......

Inside My Skin

2008-09-18T09:49:00.012-04:00

Inside my skin, there is this space

That twisted and turned, that bled and ached

Inside my heart, there was an empty room

It was waiting for lightening

It was waiting for you

I am wanting

I am needing you here

Inside the Absence of Fear

You're Muscle and Sinew, Velvet and Stone

My vessel was haunted, it creaked and moaned

Now my bones call to you, in the same skin

I made myself translucent, to let you in.

I am wanting

and I am needing you here

Inside the Absence of Fear

There is this hunger, this restlessness inside of me

And it knows that your no stranger, your my gravity

My hands will adore you through all darkness and hate

We would have laid you out in the moonlight to reinvent your names.

I am wanting

I am needing you here

I need you

Need you

Inside the Absence of Fear.

(Lyrics by Jewel)

Half Way Mark

2008-09-11T14:35:00.003-04:00

Yes... we've officially reached it!!! HOW WEIRD!! How FAST time has gone!!!!

Today I had another doctors appointment. Everything went great. Baby's heart rate was 150. And get this... so the Doctor is listening for the heart beat and says... "Well, there's two heart beats" needless to say MINE skipped a beat and I said "TWO?" (I would actually LOVE it... but it was a shock) then she says... "Well, yep, yours is the slower one and the baby's is the faster one". Well I KNEW that...geesh!!! I told the doctor I wouldn't be surprised if MINE was actually the faster one after that comment!!!!

So... no twins... as far as we know! =) My ultrasound is scheduled for Tuesday... I'm VERY excited but VERY VERY emotional... why did it go this fast!!?? Can't we just stop time and savor these moments a little longer!!!???? =(

I feel very BIG for being about 20 weeks! I honestly feel like I look like someone 7-8 months pregnant! But I still weigh 10 pounds less then when I got pregnant so that's good. I guess I'm just destined to show off my child!!

I'll keep you all posted on the ultrasound! I'm SURE it's a bouncing happy baby girl! What do you think!!??

Love Hope

I GOT A "KICK" OUT OF THIS....

2008-09-04T16:45:00.005-04:00

Last night, as we got ready to go to bed... Rob put his hand on my belly... leaned over toward my stomach and in a deep loud voice said "HEY BABY, IT's YOUR DADDY!" And... according to my pregnancy books... the baby just started to hear within the last couple weeks...

Rob hadn't felt the baby move yet. I had... I can feel it churning on the inside...

Well...

Needless to say... Rob must have startled the baby, because I felt the poor little thing JOLT! Rob certainly felt it this time... for the first time!! I'm so excited for him! All I could say without bawling is...

"Isn't that more beautiful than the best lightning storm ever!?"

Oh the things we say when were pregnant....

I Press On

2008-08-27T08:27:00.010-04:00

Ok, time for a confession. So I bought this BEAUTIFUL picture for our home of some horses racing forward, and on the picture Phillipians 3:14 is written.

"I press on toward the goal, to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Jesus Christ"

So the real confession is that this verse honestly has never really insipred me for some reason, VERY sad, I know!!!! I guess maybe I didn't get it. I bought the picture for the horses and thought it was s nice touch that it had a bible verse on it, I actually forgot until this morning, what verse WAS on it!

Well, this morning, during my God time, God told me to turn to Phillipians 3:14 (I had even forgotten what the verse said). As I turned there I was a little disappointed, because I just don't get this verse completely. So I asked God... what IS the goal?? Heaven??? I already HAVE that through my salvation, why do I need to "press on TOWARDS it". Ok.... I'm letting you all see the stupid side of me.... but it's good to be humble right?

So God tells me this.... "When you come to heaven I will want to see how you've invested what I've given you. Have you taken my talents and invested and multiplied them, or have you merely burried your faith and salvation in a jar, hoping to turn it in to Me in heaven some day like a ticket to enter. If you've invested wisely, and brought me a harvest, I will say, well done good and faithful servant, and there is no better prize than that!"

Matthew 25: 14-30

Amen... once again... I'm humbled and I ask God to give me the wisdom to invest wisely in people around me, pour what God has given me into them.

Now I get it. I will press on.

Signs of "Fall"

2008-08-21T09:12:00.003-04:00

Oh how I love Michigan... yes it might be AUGUST... but you know fall is coming when the steam starts to roll off your pond in the morning! I've been excited to see this the last few mornings... you know what it means... the water is warmer than the air! It got down into the 40's last night!! And that is a joyous thing to me! I love fall... if we could have 10 months of fall and 2 of winter... or maybe 6 of each... I would be a VERY happy person. I may have been created to live in Alaska!

However... this wasn't the only type of "Fall" I saw signs of this morning!

After feeding my horse I went out to sit on the swing by the pond to pray and to watch the steam come off the pond. And God lovingly said to me that our prayers are like that steam. You see in the water cycle... that steam cannot turn into liquid again until it hits the heavens... then it FALLS down as rain and stays for a while, gathered in the pond. Our prayers cannot turn into blessing until we literally lift them up to heaven either. We can wish things... but until we lift them up to God, we will never get blessings FALLING on us, and answers rained back down upon us... they need to reach the heavens first. And isn't great when those blessings do FALL and pool up, staying with us a while, like a baby or an adopted child coming home! So we all need to keep the cycle of prayer going!! And I am praying for all of you!

Feeling Better AND FINALLY......

2008-08-20T09:10:00.002-04:00

Thanks for your prayers I think I'm over the worst of things. I feel fine... I just still can't hear well since my ears are still plugged. I guess some women are prone to "stuffy ears" in there fourth and fifth months, and mine just happened to be kicked off by an allergy attack. I guess here in Michigan a lot of people with mild allergies are getting hit hard this summer and I'm one of them! =) Yippeeee!

NOW.... da da dada.... for the real big news.........

I have officially felt the baby move!!!!!!!!! OH MY WORD PEOPLE!! How amazing!!

It's very subtle and gentle... no big jabs yet. But I can feel the baby "roll". At first I didn't know what I was feeling. Now it's all making sense. I told my mom... "It feels like every time I stand up everything in my stomach rolls downward, but now it's happening a lot... like even when I'm walking or laying in bed!!!" My mom said "Honey that's not everything in your stomach... that's SOMEONE!" Makes sense... you can tell I'm a first timer... duh. Now that I know what I'm feeling.. I can totally tell it's the baby. I can feel my belly get hard... then soft... then hard again... at night, and I can tell it's probably a little butt or back.

WOOO HOOO another sign of life!!! I love pregnancy!!! I hope I'm pregnant again this time NEXT year!!!! Well...... maybe... =)

Love to all of you! Thanks for praying!!!!!

sick

2008-08-16T09:54:00.002-04:00

So I have been sick for over a week now. I hate being a whiner... but to be honest... I am being one. I am generally a healthy person!!! If I get sick I'm better in a day or two!! I have not gone to the doctors yet... because every day I feel a little bit better... and being pregnant, I doubt there is much to do but wait it out anyway. Prayers would be appreciated. Basically both ears are plugged and I can hardly hear a thing. Last night we watched a movie and Rob had tell me everything they were saying... finally... I kid you not... we turned the TV up as loud as it could go. Poor Rob. =)

Secondly. I have really really been missing and thinking about David and Guillanda a lot lately. It just still crosses my mind why the situation seemed totally of God and now we are going the opposite direction. Recently a horse trainer told me an analogy that helped me quite a bit. She said when she trains a horse for a show she never trains them on the exact course they actually will go through during the competition because she doesn't want the horse to be stuck to a routine or a comfort zone. She trains them to do the things needed for the show but in a different order, so they want to follow her direction... not what they think they can already expect. The horses have to rely on her... not what they think they already know. Then she said, she sometimes even will lead a horse all the way up to an obstacle in the course and command it to move away from the obstacle at the very last minute instead of jumping over it. Her reason for doing this is basically the same. She wants to know the horse is willing to follow her... not just do what it thinks it "should", not just jump over the next thing coming. A horse should always be in tune to what it's master wants... and so should we when it comes to our God. That helped... but I still catch myself wandering back to the barrel and really wanting to jump it! I guess like the simple mind of a horse... my mind does the same thing... "it's there... it just doesn't make sense to put it there if you don't want me to jump it!" But, I would rather listen to my trainer... I would benefit better in the long run.

The Beat Goes On at 14 weeks!!!

2008-08-08T10:03:00.004-04:00

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated!

Yesterday we had our second Doctor's appointment. We heard the baby's heart beat again! How exciting! The baby's heart rate was 160. (The doc said that doesn't mean it's a boy... that's a myth) We could also hear the baby jumping around a lot... and I mean A LOT... very busy baby. I haven't been able to feel the baby move yet though. I can't wait for that!!!!!!!!

I am feeling a lot better... starting to be hungry... and sometimes VERY VERY hungry! Once in a while smells still bother me, but not nearly as much as they were. I am also starting to actually have a little energy but even the slightest heat REALLY bothers me. I feel like such a wimp... but I CAN'T WAIT for fall!!!

We will be getting an ultrasound in September. I was hoping it would be sooner, but that's ok. We will be trying to find out the baby's gender. Can't wait!!

Right now I have a cold... and that stinks since I just have to wait it out! But... this too will pass!
That's all for now! Thanks for celebrating with us and praying for us.

Just a Few Words..

2008-07-19T09:34:00.002-04:00

Well... Sermon on the Mount went GREAT... about 15 people asked for salvation and a lot of family and friends came. We were SO blessed to sit at the feet of such great people and just listen and learn this week. Blaze preached an amazing sermon... yes BLAZE! How exciting is that!! If you want to see pictures and hear more about this event I'll be updating Blazespage in a couple of days. Thank you for your prayers for this event!

I am 10 days away from being OUT of my first trimester!!!!! Still not showing, but I can feel a difference inside me. WHERE has time gone!!! I am eagerly looking forward to the return of my appetite!

And lastly.... =( we got our fingerprint appointment in the mail yesterday. It was an unexpected even that just made my heart sink... BUT overall I am rejoicing and still praying for unity and prosperity for our children's family. God's plan is always better than my own!

A "Blanket of Blessing" and Sermon on the Mount

2008-07-13T12:12:00.006-04:00

Well... a couple of days ago when I rolled over on my belly... I could tell something was there!!!!! That was another great confirmation! =) Just thought I would share the news... that's the first time I ever felt a difference! Baby is about the size of a match box car now (from what I'm understanding and reading anyway). On the downside... I have officially been "sick" for the first time... please pray it's the last...

We were extremely blessed today as a lady at our church, who never knew us until we shared our testimony, has volunteered to make blankets and things for the nursery. She has a sewing business and felt God lead her to bless us in this way. We are just so touched and humbled by God's vast love and blessing in this situation. This wonderful lady prayed over us at the end of church today and just blessed us so much with encouragement. I just love when God's people bless each other in ways like this. Thank you Lord! May we be just as faithful.

On another note... we have a GREAT ministry coming to town this week in which I and my horse get the honor of being involved in. It's called Sermon On The Mount.

Lew Sterret is a horse trainer and a pastor. What he does is trains horses while doing a live sermon at the same time in front of an audience and comparing what he is doing with the horse to us and our lives and our relationship with the Lord. If you could PLEASE pray for this ministry, it would be a huge blessing. We're praying that people that do not know the Lord, but do know horses, will be touched and see God in a way they never have before. It will be this Tues, Weds, and Thurs. night at the Isabella County Fairgrounds from 5:30pm-8:00pm. Please come if you can...and bring friends... it's a free event! Thanks in advance for your prayers!!!

A BEAT WORTH KEEPING!!!

2008-07-08T11:17:00.003-04:00

We heard the heart beat of our baby last week!! The awesome thing is it was 5 weeks earlier than our Dr. had ever remembered hearing a baby's heartbeat before! At first we couldn't hear anything... then our wonderful Dr. said a PRAYER (how COOL is that!!??) and immediately after we could hear a very faint heart beat and it got louder and louder!!!!!!

WOOOO HOOOOO there is REALLY a living human being INSIDE ME!!!!!!!!!!
PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Feeling ok

2008-07-01T09:27:00.003-04:00

Just a little update... I'm feeling ok... still a little nausea but I have not gotten sick! I'm finding it hard to even drive by areas that I have fealt "sick" around... how wierd is that!!? It kick starts the nausea again, so I find a detour!

My first doc appointment is Thursday! Rob talks to the baby already... I'm totally loving that, it's so stinkin' cute! I will keep you all posted!

Thank You

2008-06-23T19:31:00.004-04:00

Thanks to everyone who prayed. The funeral went as to be expected. God is giving strength to the family and they are receiving it. A lot of good God things are coming out of the tragedy. Continue to pray for the family please. For unity and for God to be center and for God to be understood during this confusing time.

As far as me and baby go...

Baby is about the size of a grape! Fingers and toes formed or forming and believe it or not it's already the start of my third month today!

I am changing prenatal vitamins, been off the old ones two days already and feeling better... let's hope the new ones do the trick!! I felt so yucky the other day I couldn't even drink water... that's just not healthy!!! Did Mary have to take stinkin' prenatal vitamins!!?? I doubt it... and look how good Jesus turned out!

;-)

2008-06-17T17:11:00.004-04:00

Just a few things....

My Status.... I'm feeling great. Tired from time to time... and the smell of food usually does not agree with me! But I have not been sick! And I WILL not be... In Jesus name! =)

We received word that we will not be able to adopt Caleb and Isabel at this point even if they did come back, due to our age. One of us must be 35 years old and that law is now being enforced. So, please just pray for their happiness, Godliness and health.

HUGE PRAYER REQUEST...
Rob's cousin's 4 year old daughter died last week. The family really needs your prayers. The Lord is drawing near to them and they are getting to know Him better through this, pray that the Devil keeps his hands off the entire Krotzer family during this time especially.

Thanks! God Bless you all.

What's New? Oh... it's all "POSITIVE"

2008-06-07T14:41:00.003-04:00

So you may be wondering what's with the blog change. The kid's names back to their given ones, a new title etc...

We have finally come to that place of peace that we could only wait for. We now have peace to move along with our family. We stopped everything for David and Guillanda... (now trying to refer to them with their birth names out of respect for their birth parents)... as we still know we should have, but now it's time to move forward. We started getting that sense a little over a month ago.

We still cling to these two kids. We still have hope that they may come home still. But we are also willing to lay it in front of God's feet and move along. Move ALONG, not move ON, not move PAST, but move along... move forward.

We are still a covering for them by praying for them every day, our home is eternally open to them, in a sense they will always be our first born children. Always our children in our hearts. I just will never get past the weeks that we really were mama and papa to them in a time of need. Changing a baby girls diapers and watching over an active boy. Laughing and tickling... not to mention the crying. And I will never forget these two memories for sure... a baby girl sleeping on top of me in peace all night and a young boy wanting already to cuddle with his mama at 5:30 in the morning shoving me over and crawling into bed with me. Those are such intimate memories and some of the best. I hope some day we will all make more awesome memories together again.

Please continue to pray for the kids and their family. For health and unity and most of all for God to be the center of their lives.

Moving forward is hard. But now we are even more sure than ever it's time. You see... although we sensed over a month ago it was time to, a week ago we found out....

I am pregnant! Praise God!!

Let me tell the entire story

On mother's day I was a bit bummed for obvious reasons. That night I went up to bed carrying my Bible to read before I went to sleep. Once I got up the stairs... I just felt discouraged and said... "Lord.... I'm sorry... I just want to go to bed... I don't have the heart to read tonight... please forgive me" His Spirit quickly responded by saying... "Are you really going to let the discourager get the last word tonight?" Then I knew I should read.

As I opened my Bible... I didn't even know where to start, my heart wasn't in it but I wanted to give God a chance. So I opened my Bible to a random spot in which I tucked my church bulletin. And there in front of me was the story of Hannah. Particularly the part where Eli told her to go and may she receive from the Lord what she had asked. (Hannah was unable to have children, but the Lord blessed her and allowed her to after all... the story is in 1 Samuel 1) That really struck a chord with me. I read the whole story and just closed my eyes and began to pray "Lord, I either think You're trying to tell me something.... or this is just salt in the wound. I don't want to dramatize this and run away with this thinking you're speaking to me... but I want confirmation and to give You credit if you are. Lord, I know I should always wait for scriptural confirmation when I sense you speaking, so God, somehow soon, please confirm this if your trying to tell me something."

So as I got ready to snuggle into bed and close my Bible I noticed a highlighted verse sitting in front of me from Daniel 10:12 "...Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, Your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer."

I started crying my eyes out... "Lord this is either You.... or this is VERY cruel... and YOU'RE not cruel. You knew how my day went... I don't believe you would do this to me."

I woke up Rob and we prayed and cried together and believed... we were pregnant.

About three weeks went by... The entire time Rob and I joked undercover about being pregnant... partly believing and to be honest... partly guarding our hearts from what might be about the 20th let down.

then... it was confirmed last Sunday... we are pregnant.

We are SO SO grateful for what the Lord has done! Please praise God with us!!

2008-05-30T19:34:00.002-04:00

Even horses can be optimists!

We Choose Joy

2008-05-16T09:13:00.004-04:00

We will rest in you Lord. We will rejoice. When the outermost situations grind us like rough sand paper to our skin. We look, and we find You, doing just the opposite from the inside out. Refining us. And we choose joy, we choose to rest in you. Oh, our souls stir for a family, yearn and burn for a family, sometimes to the point of tears. But, although we cry tears like Hannah did... we KNOW a Samuel is coming for us too. We will not let this longing be a source of bitterness, but we view it as a beginning of a miracle. You stir a parent's heart with deep longing and love for their children long before they ever hold them, and while that longing is so passionate it sometimes seems painful in the wait, it is ultimately a beautiful thing. You are teaching us to cherish each other and cling to each other during this time and how great a love we have in our marriage because of this trial. Nothing else has ever caused us to look so deeply into each other's eyes and share our emotions. So we consider it a pure JOY to go through this Lord. We know you are the Almighty Developer of perseverance and character. We know our situation has been laid before you. We need not manipulate you to get our way. We want YOUR way Lord.

It touches our hearts to know You longed like this too as You waited for us to come into the world, as You waited for US to love You. Only, Your longing was even deeper, because it comes from a perfect love. How humbled we are.

We choose Joy.

Are you still praising?

2008-05-08T15:49:00.004-04:00

Wow... how we miss Caleb and Isabel! It seems lately, not to make sense. It has gotten very very very hard. It has almost been a year now since we first met them. I have to admit, coming to that milestone has not been easy, facing mother's day... seems like one of the hardest days ever. Did we not hear God right? Are we still supposed to wait? Is our faith being that fiercely tested?

We know God spoke to us about these kids. We know there is a purpose in all this. Why don't we just move on by now? Well, we will NEVER "move on". We committed to these kids. Kid are worth the wait. Kids are people too and if you promise them something, you need to put yourself and your own timelines aside and be faithful to your promise.

So I look at my little girl here... and think of the storm she's going through. Mom and dad left her at an orphanage, need I say more. But look at her stance! She is still praising. It brought me to think...I need to shake off the sniffles. Yep... it's hard... it stinks we are guessing, wondering, second guessing, believing, embracing, holding fast, tripping, dusting off... but are we seeing the big picture.... the simple but strong picture that our daughter sees. God is still God. God knows, God sees it all. Alleluia. We still praise Him... even in the storms.

Ears Forward

2008-05-06T08:47:00.002-04:00

"My Eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge..." Psalm 141:8a

I borrow this story from a wonderful horse lady I met in church this Sunday. As we stood there chatting and getting to know each other we hashed over how amazing it is that God can use horses to speak so many rich analogies to us. Then this wonderful lady gave me an example of one lesson that God has taught her and her husband with their horses... and that's Ears Forward.

As many of you may know, when working with a horse, you want his attention to be on you, not meaninglessly wandering around looking at everything BUT you! You can tell where a horses TRUE attention is by the direction their ears are pointing. Of course wanting a horses complete attention is for your safety as well as the horses , but it is also a respect issue. If your horse does not respect you or even know you as it's trainer, you can try and try again and you're not going to get through very well. And still yet it goes beyond respect and it goes into being a relationship issue. You want your horse to pay attention to you and respect you, but you also want him to WANT to be around you, you want him to willingly look constantly to you for direction.

That is such a parallel to what God wants from us. In a sense God is our trainer! Really He is. And if we take our focus off Him we will get very little out of any type of relationship from Him and we will miss out on what His leadership has to offer. And yet, we can be "good" Christians and give Him our attention on Sundays or even now and then read our Bibles because we "should" but then we still don't look to Him WILLINGLY, wanting to be with Him and wanting to serve Him out of love.

What an awe inspiring thing it is however when you look at a horse that wants to be with its trainer out of pure love and adoration and a desire to serve and listen. It's rewarding to get to that point with a horse, it is an awesome trusting relationship. How great GOD must feel when we completely surrender to Him, not because we should, but because we want to.

Ears forward.

Stay tuned for my next entry..."Who is really bigger the turkey or the horse???" The Saga is unfolding in the pasture as we speak...I'll let you know who wins! Oh, I hope it's not the turkey! Make me proud Blaze!

Daniel 10:19

2008-04-22T10:30:00.006-04:00

"Don't be afraid" he said "for you are very precious to God. Peace.

Be encouraged!

Be strong!"

As he spoke these words to me I suddenly felt stronger and said to him,

"Please speak to me my lord, for you have strengthened me."

Looking Past The Gloom

2008-04-17T10:01:00.006-04:00

Thank you all for praying for Haiti and our kids in the past week. As far as we understand the rioting in Haiti has stopped, but things are still not good for the Haitian people. Please continue to pray for their hunger and political strife.

We heard that an employee of the Orphanage was in route to find our children's family (not by our request, but by the loving heart of Three Angels) and the riots started around him so he couldn't make it. Thankfully he's OK. That just goes to show you though... what awesome dedicated people Three Angels has working for them. We're so thankful that the staff and Gretchen are hanging in there and helping us press on as we wait on the Lord.

I wanted to share an awesome word God shared with us a few days ago. Rob and I were sitting on the porch on Sunday, enjoying a GREAT spring day when we heard a sound we never heard before. We couldn't figure out WHAT the sound was and we were prompted to look straight above our heads into the sky. What we saw were three gloomy crows flying and gliding in a circle almost like vultures would. I have never seen crows do that before, or make such weird noises. It was interesting to watch. As we glanced upwards again we wondered what spurred all the commotion, then, something else caught our eyes. About 20-100 feet above the crows, was a beautiful free soaring hawk. Most likely the crows were scheming up a plan to pick on the hawk.

The word God gave us in that situation was that we need to push past the gloom to see the glory and experience freedom. We could have just focused on the crows (the doom and gloom of life) but focusing on the hawk (unwaveringly victory, freedom and confidence) was much more pleasing!

And isn't that just the way crows and hawks are too!!? Later on we saw one of the crows dive bombing the hawk, but the hawk had such confidence and such good focus on what he was hunting that the dive bombing didn't hardly phase him a bit. When we are truly focused on the Lord, we will be unchanged by the enemies dive bombing.

PLEASE PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-04-09T17:40:00.001-04:00

We are in desperate need for your prayers! Although the media seems to revolve around the olympic torch right now, there is other chaos going on. Our God is strong enough to work in this! PLEASE pray for Haiti and pray for our kids who very well may be in the midst of this...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080408/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/haiti_food_protests

Hope Rising

2008-04-08T12:33:00.005-04:00

What an interesting season we're in! No news on the kids yet!!!!!! It's hard to understand God... it's hard when we don't see the big picture. But ... God always blesses us and gives us strength to get through the odd seasons, the in between seasons. His hope always rises.

At this point... I praise God for giving me my horse Blaze. And I praise God for putting Kim Meeder in my life. They are two ways God has caused Hope to Rise in my waiting season. You see one day a few years ago... I wandered into the local Christian bookstore and saw a book called "Hope Rising". It caught my eye because it had my name on it... PLUS a picture of two of my favorite things... a child laying on the bare back of a horse. I thought "OK God... what do you want me to read this for?" Not only is this a book (I love to read) but it has too many coincidences on the front cover... and it was too odd that it was sitting right there when I walked in the door... so I read it... and I was changed. www.crystalpeaksyouthranch.org

I often wondered why I felt called by God to go to college to be a vet and then changed my mind to be a teacher... the two things don't go hand in hand at all if you ask me, was I sensing God all wrong?? That has confused the daylights out of me for years!!!! Once I read Kim's book, I understood. You see, Kim works with children and animals together! She witnesses to Children about God while using horses. Horses!!??? Yes.... my favorite animal, and not in a "mommy I want a pony for my birthday" type pf way.... it's serious... I can barely breath without horses... I'm surprised I lived this long without them!!!

So... I read this book... and I knew God wanted me to do the same thing as Kim. =) Looking around, this seems impossible... we don't have the money... we don't have the land... the list goes on... not to mention we didn't have a HORSE!

My heart is for abused horses by the way. I respect people that get into horses for show and what not.... that takes a lot of work... but me... I could care less if I got on the back of a horse... I just want to love a horse and care for it and give it the confidence it needs to be around people. I want to bless the least of the horses.

Well...one day.... I get a phone call from one of our friends. "My grandpa has this horse..." THE REST WAS HISTORY!!!

Well, as you may already know, I went over to my friends grandpa's house one day to check out his horse... I thought I actually would just go over and help care for his horse... but Mr. Eastman wanted me to buy him... HA! I KNEW that was not going to happen...we don't have the money... and Rob would not be happy with his hunting grounds turning into pastures! But "I'll pray about it" I said. I got into my car after seeing a man about his horse and prayed "God, if this is of you, when I call Rob, let this be totally ok with him" SO I called Rob... "Rob... Mr. Eastman wants me to BUY his horse...." Rob says "Well...what do you think!" "Seriously, I want this horse for sure!" Rob says "Well, ok, if you really think this is what we should do, it's your passion and I support you."

So a few months later after making some room... we brought Blaze home on Memorial Day. That in and of itself was a miracle. You see, Mr. Eastman was a GREAT horse owner... but his neighbors were "abusive" toward Blaze, punching him in the face, shooting beebees at him. Blaze was so afraid of humans that the first time I touched him... his entire body trembled. I didn't even know that horses trembled. But this was my heart... to preserve and help a less fortunate horse. If you want to keep up to date on Blaze... you can go to http://blazespage.blogspot.com

So around Christmas time... Rob and I went to a party at a friend's house. As we were casually sitting down around the table, our friend Brian asked about Blaze. I shared about Blaze's progress and my vision of reaching kids with horses out on our property some day. Brian mentioned HopeWell ranch in Wiedman, Michigan. A ranch that does the exact thing I was talking about.

Well ok it's not...

I went to church the day after the party and sought out one of the board members from HopeWell, we immediately went out to lunch after church. I am committing my summer to this place. I cannot even explain to you, what a miracle this is in my life. During this season of waiting and longing for our kids, God is making another dream come true. The board at the ranch, plus their volunteer staff, have befriended me and Rob so quickly. They treat Rob and I like family. I cannot wait to see what this summer brings! I will keep you all posted with the miracles God will be doing in the life of children out at the Ranch this summer. I am honored to be part of it!

I encourage you all (whether you're a horse lover or not) to purchase the book "Hope Rising" by Kim Meeder. You will be tremendously blessed... and you may never look at horses the same again! Please read it and let me know what you think!!!!!!

The Day After Good Friday

2008-03-22T09:33:00.003-04:00

I think this day has a certain name to it doesn't it? It simply can't just be referred to as the day after Good Friday or, the Day Before Easter.

Nonetheless today really has me thinking, I woke up thinking about what it would have been like for Jesus' family and disciples today. I think of merely what it felt like the day after my dad died and I know what a bittersweet day that was. It was a very sad day, but also a day I knew my Dad was with God and no longer suffering. Can you imagine being Jesus' family today? He had cousins and most likely brothers, his mom and his followers, not to mention oodles of friends. And I too often just think about how this influenced those closest to Jesus, but what about those he touched otherwise, the blind man, the paralytic, the demon possessed, the little girl in the upper room who was dead, those in the synagogue who did believe, the centurion's family, the woman with the issue of blood, the lame man by the pool, Lazarus, the prostitute, the adulteress, the servant in the Garden with a healed ear, Pilate, the thousands fed with just a little, the shepherds, the wise men, the innkeeper, the Palm Sunday rejoicers, the Lepers, etc. What do you think all these people were thinking when they heard that the man that performed such a miracle in their lives was now, dead.

Think about it. We see the big picture, we're educated on this and have the Bible to show us what happened and why, but these people... they were just trying to wrap their minds around all of this. Some of them might have remembered that the scripture SAID there would be a Savior, but even if so, most people had their own ideas of how he would come and what he would be like... A KING, majestic! So try to put yourselves in ALL these people's shoes today, The Day AFTER Good Friday, the day BEFORE Easter. What would you do? How would you feel? I know I would be confused, doubting, second guessing, sad, feeling like my hope was stolen from me, and not just that, but brutalized first. I would be wondering if this man was really who he said he was, and yet if not, how did he touch my life so!! Wanting to still believe but being faced with harsh worldly realities.

As I thought about all of this this morning, I realized how much it paralleled our adoption situation. These people did have God's word, they did hear a Savior would come... some of them may have even remembered when Christ was born, but the current situation did not fit into their preconceived ideas. And the ground they had built on, the faith they were finally starting to have in this man, started to shake when He died... and was buried. Where was the victory in that, they wondered. Why after all those miracles would death take such a man they thought. How could a man so full of grace and good teaching be defeated and false they pondered. And I guess I have caught myself doubting our adoption in the same ways. Going from remembering the promise, to doubting, to holding fast to it again, to grieving and back to holding fast.

Ultimately, if your not sure God still speaks clearly to people, you might have a hard time understanding why Rob and I cling to this adoption so much, why we don't move on and bless another child in need. But Rob and I have tested and tried the scripture to see where God tells us He no longer talks to His people anymore, and we have found nothing saying such things. We have heard of seasons of silence, but they were always followed with seasons of communion with God, never permanent. Rob and I have felt and heard God in this situation, so even though I am being very really with you and telling you we've doubted, we still cling to the promise.

I wonder how many people thought Mary Magdalene was crazy, still saying that it was her LORD that was buried in the tomb. But Mary clung to what she knew and believed, even in the midst of things that were hard to understand. Our adoption seems to be in a season similar to that of The Day After Good Friday... but praise God, Easter is coming.

PRAY FOR HAITI

2008-03-09T20:13:00.002-04:00

We still have no news on the kids. But we continue to pray! Thanks for your prayers!

There are so many problems in Haiti... and many problems with the adoption process.
Please read the following article... And pray for Haiti!
http://adoptivemomhaiti.blogspot.com/2008/03/my-article-was-published.html

It will give you huge insight into what our kids are dealing with and what challenges we might face to bring them home. Yet we pray in Jesus name for all these mountains to crumble!

We will not loose heart...

2008-03-04T09:58:00.002-05:00

We've heard nothing yet, but our hope is still high. We are in a better position than we were a couple of weeks ago, and we count all the positives in the situation. We know the kids are safe and seemingly healthy, we know it's still the desire of the mom's heart to have us adopt her kids and we know the grandma also sees the benefit in it. Please continue to pray and rejoice in the progress!!! Thanks SO much for all the encouragement you have all given us. We attended Messiah Lutheran Church last Sunday and we were bombarded by support and questions, prayers and love. What an amazing, caring family we still have there! Thanks everyone! We love you all!!

Still waiting...

2008-02-28T09:36:00.004-05:00

Well, here's our cutie pie!! We still have no news but we did recieve a pictue of Isabel that was captured the other day when they were there. (Thanks Angela!!) That is her mom, Roseline, next to her. I didn't cut her out of the picture out of disrespect (I love this woman) but out of respect, not knowing if she really would want to be displayed to the world. Please pray for Roseline, for those of you who may have heard she's sick, she's not, she stated at one point "she wouldn't get bettter" but it was in regard to her financial situation etc.. We are hearing that possibly the family will be contacted today since they haven't been in touch yet. Please pray that we get word today. Thanks everyone!!! Your support has been amazing to us!

No News is Good News!

2008-02-27T16:48:00.002-05:00

We haven't heard a thing yet. We will shout it from the mountain tops once we do.

Today is Rob's birthday... so we are praying He recieves the best present ever!!!!!

update

2008-02-26T16:07:00.001-05:00

Ok everyone!!! PLEASE intercede in prayer for the kids birth dad...
The way we understand it is that the mom has literally said she loves us and would never want to lose us as her children's adoptive parents. She says she has been keeping us in her heart. She still wants us to adopt her kids and was very happy to hear that we loved her and the kids enough to wait for them, that apparently touched her deeply, so praise God for the patience He has given to us. This just proves to me we were not crazy to hold firm to our committment! Their mom is such a gentle sweet lady... I just love her. The kids look healthy and want to come back to the Orphanage. Praise God for His sustanance!
They will be having a family meeting tonight with the Dad... so please pray into the late afternoon and evening. Our kid's birth dad's mom (the kids Grandma) really wants them to be adopted. Their dad really supposidly loves and respects his mom and has been advoiding her because of this. Pray that Grandma has all the right words tonight and that the Holy Spirit talks through her!! We are almost over this mountain that God sees as a mole hill!
The family will call the Orphanage tonight! If the father makes up his mind to sign away his rights, Haitian Social Services is telling him this is the final decision... no more flip flopping, praise God.
Please continue to pray the Dad's heart into a softening and understanding!!!
God is about to do a miracle!!!

His teeth might be missing...

2008-02-26T13:12:00.003-05:00

but praise God... Caleb's not. We have no word of how the meeting is going today BUT it is being held and Caleb is there!!!!!!!!!!! It looks like he still might even have his back pack that we bought him for the start of school this year... we hope that's a good sign!!! PLEASE continue to lift this situation up. God has heard us all already, and HE WILL bless this situation!!! This is a HUGE day for us!!! We're glad God has been sustaining Caleb (we don't know about Isabel) and there is still a smile on his face... well... at least somewhat of a smile! A typical 6 year old smile!!!

Update

2008-02-25T20:55:00.003-05:00

We know the kid's mom showed up today and their uncle was also supposed too.

Their dad said he could come tomorrow. That is simply all we know at this point! Thanks for your prayers!! They have been effective, we were not even sure the parents would come!! God is good!

Thank You!!

2008-02-24T17:55:00.004-05:00

We want to thank all of you who prayed with us today!!!

Thanks also to those who continue to pray and have been praying dilligently all along.

We were SO SO blessed by knowing we were surrounded by you all this afternoon.

How blessed are we!!??

We even have faith family like Cara, Colleen, Angela, Kathy, Brandy, Abbie and Michelle and many others who we have never met but who love us enough to pray for us anyway!!!!!

We also wanted to thank our sister Sheila who was a physical represntation of all of you today. She came to pray along side of us at our home today and we were blessed by her encouragement and reminder that nothing is IMPOSSIBLE with our God!

Thanks Varners, Shanavers, Haynes', Jordahls, Woods, Nickels, Hinsons, Bayanis and Plantes!

Thanks Kersten, Katie, Carsen!

Thank you Cynthia, Renee, Traci, Mallory, You-you, Joslyn and Jason, Shannon, Lizzie, Gretchen, Gail, Tom P. and Kathy Shmkr!

Thanks to my sister Kim and her family who promised to continue to stand in the gap for us today along with our other sisters and their families.

Thanks to our many Pastors and interesessros who are keeping us covered.

Thanks to the Molitors for their encouragement!

Thanks to Ty, Jodi, Lisa and Mary from the ranch for your prayers and encouragement and new found friendship!!!

Thanks to my fellow teachers Jodi, Linda, Kelli, Tina, Samantha, Diane and Beth for their daily prayer for our family!

Thank you to our Grandmas, Moms and Aunts and cousins who pray for us!

My old highschool friends Christy and Denae for their prayers and love!

Our praying customers!

If we have forgotten you... it is not on purpose... if your looking at this and saying "HEY, I prayed too!!!!!" Then we honestly do thank you sincerely!!!

Thanks most of all to God who took time to hear us all today and promises to never turn a blind eye to us all and PROMISES to hear the requests we lay before Him!

Praise you Lord... your will be done!!!

We wait, humbly, yet expectantly!!!

Prayer Sunday at 4:00

2008-02-20T18:08:00.002-05:00

We are humbly asking all of you to pray with us at

4:00 on Sunday.

Please pray that the kids and their parents would come to the orphanage for a meeting and hopfully also with changed hearts about the adoption. We want God's will for the kids most of all and we feel God has asked for them to be here. It will be a great feeling knowing so many of you will stop and pray at the same time with us Sunday. If anyone wants to come out to our house to pray WITH us you're more than welcome! And please share with us anything you feel God shares with you during your time of prayer.

Prayer Request

2008-02-12T20:37:00.000-05:00

Please be praying with us as Jean Nathan is trying to get in touch with our children's birth parents in order to have them come in for a visit in the last week of February to see how they're all doing! Pray the parents will be willing to come visit and that God will touch their hearts to do the right things for their (our) children. Please feel free to share with us anything that God may be showing you about this situation, we believe God is still a God that communicates with His people and we're open to hearing what anyone feels is on their heart one way or another. God bless you all! Thanks for praying! Please continue to pray that the kids and their parents have all they need to stay healthy! Blessings! - Hope and Rob

Our New Nephew

2008-01-29T20:04:00.000-05:00

Please praise God with us as our EIGHTH nephew was born today!!!

We have two nieces too!

Alex was 9 lbs 15 oz and born bright and early this morning!!!!

He is healthy and VERY handsome!!!!

Prayer Request

2008-01-25T23:30:00.000-05:00

We have some friends that really need your prayers right now. PLEASE pray with all your heart for them and expect God will be faithful. You can check out their blogspot at... http://jasonkrenzke.blogspot.com

There's A Light

2008-01-17T21:05:00.000-05:00

Today I was listening to the new Third Day song... Light at the End of This Tunnel. I love it... it is SO SO encouraging! And yet a thought hit me(thank you Holy Spirit)... while we find it encouraging that there is a light at the end of the tunnel... are we forgetting the torch that we have while we are walking through the tunnel. Jesus' gift to us was the Holy Spirit... I feel like I forget that sometimes, just pushing along... trying to get to the END of the tunnel, because I guess I think that is the only place the light is... but it's not! There is a Light right in me... so I have a torch in the tunnel! It may ruin the song... I'm not sure how Third Day might add that in there. But I was so encouraged when God reminded me today that we don't have to WAIT for the end of the tunnel to have His power, guidance and strength!

"This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin." 1 John 1: 5-7

What in the world was I doing in the tunnel in the first place I guess!?

It's not a waste....

2008-01-15T17:13:00.000-05:00

There is no new news to share yet. We are still waiting on God, knowing He has a plan in all of this. Thank you for continuing to pray with us expectantly. It is so uplifting when you all pray with us and continue to believe we are not crazy to wait on God here. We know He has a beautiful family in store for us. In this time while we wait we know our time is not wasted because no matter WHAT God is trying to accomplish... we are growing stronger as we wait, He is sharpening us and shaping us. At times this just feels like wasted time... but we are waiting on the Lord and asking for His guidance... we just don' t have the desire to jump out in front of Him due to our desire to have a family. It's about Him and His plans not us. We don't consider this time, this season... a waste.

It DID occur to me lately that that some of you may wonder where your money has gone or will be going... perhaps you were wondering if donating to us was a waste or that we were not greatful. Please be assured that we are still TREMENDOUSLY greatful. If you have given money to us it has not at all been wasted. Some of it has gone to the orphanage as it needed to in order to move forward in the adoption... that is NOT wasted though... it has been used for the care of BEAUTIFUL Haitian children that are waiting to go home with their forever families. It has helped feed them and pay the awesome staff that works so hard at the orphanage. It has not been a waste. I wish I could take you to Haiti to show you what a HUGE blessing it has been, no matter WHAT! Also MUCH of the money donated is still in an adoption account earning interest and waiting to bless some beautiful children by helping them come home. PLEASE know... God is in control and your money has not gone to waste. Please continue to pray with us as our financial need for these adoptions is still great. We trust God will provide.

The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.

Proverbs 11:25

Thank You

2008-01-02T14:29:00.000-05:00

We received these cards in the mail a few days ago. It looks like the kids made these when they came back for those few days in October. We were so touched. Whoever mailed them to us... thank you so much! We were blessed!

Isaiah 43

2007-12-26T10:01:00.000-05:00

So I have to say in the week before Christmas I was laying it all down before the Lord AGAIN in a heavy way. Asking Him to be sure to direct our path. God has given us SO much confirmation that we are to press on with these adoptions that it's silly and actually a reflection of my weak faith, to continue to ask for more. So I basically asked for a "NO", if we are going down the wrong road we need a blatant no. I can't take a hint here God... like the parents taking the kids back... to me that's not a no... that is a mountain you can move... so I need a NO, I need a NO that I will not question and it will hurt and I will grieve but I will respect it, because it's from you Lord.
So three days later in church, a woman who does not really know Rob or me or too much about our situation, comes up to us with a word that God had asked her to share with us....

"Do not be afraid for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy one of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom; I gave Ethiopia and Seba in your place. Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored and I love you. Do not be afraid, for I am with you. I will gather you and your children from east and west."

God never EVER ceases to amaze me. We have never received a blatant no. You see... it is the hundereds of God incidences like this that we cannot ignore just because the world does not seem to make sense.

Mighty Like a Rose

2007-12-22T10:26:00.000-05:00

Our dad used to sing this around Christmas time along with a Roger Whittaker record he had... although he may not have had the best voice =) (and although we will were all girls)... and although thinking of him singing actually usually makes me crack up... he sang it because he was so sentimental. And now hearing it this Christmas I can't help think off all our kids. Now I know how my dad felt when he would sing this so sappily... and now I know why he was so sappy. =) The song is actually intended to remind us of baby Jesus... but my dad applied it to us, his own kids... I have never seen a man love his kids so much as our dad loved us, until I saw Rob with our own.

Sweetest little fellow everybody knows

don't know what to call him but he's might like a rose

looking at his mommy with eyes so shiny blue

makes you feel like heaven is coming close to you

when he's there sleeping in his little place

think I see the angels looking through the lace

when the dark is falling when the shadows creep

then they come up tip toe to kiss him in their sleep

Although Dad isn't here any more, he is STILL teaching me SO much!

MERRY CHRISTMAS DAD!

A Mother's Christmas Wish

2007-12-13T21:10:00.000-05:00

I wish you love,

a life to share,

and to know you've found someone to care,

I hope that time is kind to you,

and that all your dreams come true.

This is a mother's Christmas wish for you.

I wish you peace in heart and mind,

to use your strength but still be kind,

to learn to give to learn to lose,

to live the truth in all you do.

This is a mother's Christmas wish for you.

And when you wake on Christmas day with children of your own,

I know then you'll see what you've meant to me.

You are the greatest gift of all.

A child was born on Christmas day,

a Shining Star to lead the way,

and Mary's love was pure and true,

and that's the way that I love you.

I pray that love will guide you through.
This is a mother's Christmas wish for you.
(Song by Olivia Newton-John)

Where We Are

2007-12-11T22:50:00.000-05:00

Hey. Figured it was time for a nitty gritty post. Many people have been saying they've been checking our blog but there has not been an update. I guess I always just thought that meant they wanted an update of the kids... but now I understand, our friends want an update on us as a whole.

Well the kids... still with their mother as far as we know. A few weeks ago she did show up at the orphanage. From what we understand she says the kids really want to come back and she really wants to bring them back. The reason she cannot at this point is because the father does not consent to it. HOWEVER we are also led to believe the dad has not at all been doing his part to love or provide for the kids, so it's frustrating that the very one who is holding this process back, is also the one showing the least concern for the kids. The kids are not able to go to school right now and we are pretty sure they are not in a very good neighborhood. We are also not sure how well the family is eating, but we are trusting God is making a way.

So... how are we. Well in general good. God is giving us peace in the overall day to day living as we wait. I do have to admit it is getting harder lately however. It's hard to make so many people understand why we are still holding on. I wish I could explain it perfectly. I guess one very blunt way I have come up with is that stopping this process right now would be like aborting. You may think that sounds extreme but to us that's what it feels like. I guess it feels like that because we committed to these beautiful kids face to face, we told them we would never QUIT them AND most importantly we feel God led us to them. Since we feel God led us to them how do we just change our minds and move on?It would not be right... it would be like aborting at this point. It would be easier to move on at times. At times I think ok... let's just grieve and get the sadness over with and move on, but THAT does not seem to line up with what I feel God calling me to do right now. I WOULD LOVE to move quickly in whichever avenue was convenient to get a child in our home.. we are SO SO SO SO ready to be parents and every time we see a parent take their child for granted... UGGHH it's heart wrenching. BUT ultimately... we are NOT in this for us. WE are not in this to fill a nest that seems empty or to play house, we are in this for God, so we are trying to do it His way. If we feel God speak to us we have to listen, or else we are just lukewarm in our faith. I am too lukewarm in my faith already, I want to be bold like, Noah, Daniel and all those others who heard and obeyed even when it was hard and the odds seemed to be against them.

So some of you say, ok ok that's fine... but what IF it was not God's plan. What if you misinterpreted God. What if God just needed to use you in these kids life for a while and now it's time to move on. Well, it is God's plan, He shows me often again and again, yet just like you there are days I doubt myself but then I remember there is a reason for the hundreds of things that had to line up to make this all happen so far... and even if you were right, and I was wrong... I feel I have to be accountable for what I have committed to.

Let me share some of my most precious memories in my life. These all are part of not letting go so easily. These memories are what show you your child is yours. You see adoption is NOT AT ALL just shopping for a child, we get so bummed out for the people who just think it's that simple.

First of all just seeing our kids for the first time was precious all together, but the more intimate things are so amazing. Like holding your daughter and letting her drool down your shoulder because she is just so darn cute and sleeping so good and it feels so good to cuddle her even if it is almost 100 degrees and your sharing each other's sweat. Giving your daughter a shoulder ride while potty training... gross... yet very intimate. Having your son's soft voice say "mama, I love you" or singing "mama, papa, Caleb, Isabel" as you walk down Haitian streets hand in hand. Giving your daughter her very own dress and hearing her say "Ooh belle, Mesi mama" when she hardly ever talks and watching her put it on and twirl around in it. Giving your son his own baseball cap and flip flops. After a very long week of attempted bonding with your daughter she finally chooses on her own to point at you and say mama and smile. Watching your son watch his papa build and running barefoot onto the building site every 5 minutes to bring him water. Changing STINKY diapers full of doodoo from American food as opposed to rice and beans doodoo. Waking up to the feeling of things being stacked up on your belly only to realize it is your two year old daughter stacking things there as she organizes the room. The awesome feeling of your son crawling into bed with you at 4 in the morning just for his back to be scratched and to be by someone that loves him. Sleeping with your daughter because there are not enough beds and although it was the worse night's sleep ever, it was the BEST night ever just constantly feeling her near you as she went from sleeping on your belly to next to you to laying across you then above your head then down between your feet and then back on your belly and laying her cheek on yours and drooling on your face. Waking your son up in the middle of EVERY night so he doesn't wet the bed. Wiping up the floor and yourself after numerous potty training incidences of your daughters. I could go on and on. But what happens each time we go to Haiti is a lot of bonding. I mean.. think of having your kids for a couple months and then having them taken away and never knowing for sure if and when you will get them back... you might think because we are "just adopting" that it wouldn't be as bad as you think to be going through this... but it is. AND YET hear me out... our God says that not ONE DAY will be added to our lives through worry. SO we don't ... we try not to. But now you know why we can't give up.

AND yet I wonder if there are people who wonder why it seems we are twisting and pulling and waiting for an adoption of kids who have parents when there are many out there who don't have parents at all. Well... it seems odd to us too at times and yet all we can say is, we love these kids and are trying to be obedient to God's will.

So the Nitty Gritty... well I have about 5 minutes of cry time every day lately. But I am fine.. honestly, crying is therapeutic... it is GOOD that I'm crying...cause I am usually a hold it inner. I am happy overall. This is a season in our life in which God is molding us... sometimes being molded hurts but the results are beautiful.

Rob is doing well too. About a week or two ago he was really missing the kids and struggling, but seems to be back in the saddle. He is so so busy with work... praise God and yet it's tiring to him.

We are unfortunately moving forward STILL with out homestudy.. SURPRISINGLY I know. We have just had a lot of requirements and we did slow down a bit due to the snag we are going through. We are at the end of it however. Things are coming together with paperwork though. We chose to move forward on our end.

I will try to keep you all more up to date on a regular basis.

So...how long will we wait? How long would you wait for YOUR kids to come home?
Praying for the ultimate Christmas Miracle.

Christmas Wish List...

2007-11-29T11:21:00.000-05:00

I know this may shock some of you... but the number two thing on Rob and Hope's Christmas Wish List is a Piano! We've both always just wanted one in our home and I would love to learn to play it!! If you have a used Piano you would like to get rid of... please let us know and we would love to work something out with you!! Caleb would love it too some day!

There is no new news on the kids yet, but please continue to pray! God is big enough!!!

May HIS will be done!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

SO THANKFUL!

2007-11-23T15:00:00.000-05:00

We have to admit, it was the hardest Thanksgiving EVER for the both of us. Not to form a pity party, but just to voice. We were SO SO SO humbled yesterday. We sat down TWICE to tables that were so full of food... it couldn't all fit on the tables actually. And desserts to boot. I mean sometimes I hate being a spoiled American... I know that sounds weird, but when you step off the front porch of America and onto the doormat of the rest of the World you realize what we take for granted! It was a nice day, to get together with family, and God did remind us to be thankful, not irritable. But we sat at those tables and all either of us wanted to do was cry and FedEx our food to Haiti. It is amazing how simply three hours away there are people only dreaming about food, we don't even know if our own kids ate yesterday, and we sat there surrounded by abundance. It makes us want to start a new tradition of eating hot dogs on Thanksgiving and sending all the money spent on preparing a huge meal, to those who DO need it. And yet, God does not want us to sit around being grumpy because of all we have, He really wants us to appreciate it. Do we really live out Thanksgiving the way God would intend it though. I mean I caught myself thinking about the years I sat around at thanksgiving , thinking of SHALLOW things that I was thankful for and thinking it was just a day to be with family. From now I on I want it to be a day that anyone would FIRST find our family on our faces before GOD in thankfulness... and I mean that... not just going around the table and trying to think of something we are thankful for, but truly MOVED to worship the Lord for what we have. We have been humbled. Thank you God! Forgive us for taking your gifts for granted!! Thank you everyone for your prayers! WE ARE SO SO THANKFUL for each and everyone one of you!!! Please continue to pray for our kids and their family.

Real Inner Champion

2007-11-10T09:28:00.000-05:00

"Do you know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air."

- 1 Corinthians 9:24-26

Yep... these are pictures of me believe it or not. Funny huh!? Well, I'm not sure why it's on my heart this morning to write this but it is... so I will. I was a runner in high school. I LOVED IT! And I loved running over hurdles especially. I mean... I can't imagine doing it anymore... but just talking about it... that passion is still there... running over hurdles... what an awesome challenge. Often my left knee was swollen and black and blue from hitting the hurdles on the way over... at times (just a couple) my back or shoulder was scraped up from flipping over the hurdles... but that is what made it fun!!! That was the challenge... to better myself. Well I was decent... not GREAT... but decent and my senior year I finally made it to regionals to compete to go to states... and well... I missed states by a 10th of a second. What a heartbreak that was... but if I would have listened to my coach and avoided fear... I would have gone on.

You see in hurdling you can take 4 or 3 steps between hurdles. Of coarse 3 is much quicker... but it requires switching which leg you go over the hurdle with. To me that was "too hard" but in my coaches eyes... it was certainly obtainable. He felt I had enough in me to do it... I thought I was too short. He saw reality and I saw lack.

SO... it's all about where we keep our eyes right!!?? Keeping our eyes on the prize and what we certainly could be capable of if we tried, or settling for what SEEMS to be true without even trying.

So... this adoption... well we are going to three step through it.

Transparent VS Translucent

2007-11-06T08:55:00.000-05:00

Transparent: "transmitting light rays so that objects on the other side may be distinctly seen; capable of being seen through; neither opaque or translucent" - Webster

Translucent: " letting light pass but diffusing it so that objects on the other side cannot be clearly distinguished" - Webster

So if God is The Light... which one would He have us be!?

Don't get me wrong... there is a time and a place and even an asking from God for us to be translucent about times in our lives from time to time. (Remember all the times He would do miracles and ask people to say nothing about them) However... in the grand scheme of things, how will a hurting world see the light of Christ if we never let them see into OUR world, if we never let them see out realness. I think the unbelieving world NEEDS to see that Christians walk through CRUD in their lives too... the differences isn't an oh so holy and great life, it's HOW we handle the crud... does that make sense? Even other believers need to be encouraged by seeing into each other's lives. Too often we DON'T let this happen because we keep our eyes on those who will be negative rather than the multitude who will be blessed by seeing in.

I know that not everyone feels it's ok to be transparent... I have been hearing even that we might want to be less transparent about our situation. And I would totally agree that it would be easier, and some people are called to do that so that the disbelief of others doesn't interfere with what God is trying to do... but God is asking us to be transparent.

It is hard in a sense... people think we are a little nutty to continue believing. BUT it is in our transparency God will get the glory He deserves one way or another. So for us, we felt God asking us to be transparent right from the beginning. HE KNEW, it would help others in their walk, but He also knew it would help US in OUR walk. Being transparent... we needed to lay it all out there... what do we believe... and are we going to stick to it. It has been awesome, even though it has been very raw at times. We feel like our transparency has been God's way of pulling us out of mundane quick sand religion, into raw belief... and we love it!

Thanks For Your Continued Prayers!

Blaze's Witness

2007-10-30T11:04:00.000-04:00

Hey Everyone!! Time for a plug for Blaze's sake! Month's ago God gave me a beautiful horse to teach me many life lessons. If you are interested in seeing any of these lessons feel free to visit! I also posted JUST today, an awesome story from a friend! I think you'll find it inspiring!! Blessings. And thanks again for all your prayers, comments, love and support!!!

God's Lessons Through A Horse

http://blazespage.blogspot.com/

Glory Magnified By Shadows

2007-10-28T16:00:00.000-04:00

As we drove to church this morning, I caught myself thinking about how morning is my favorite time of the day. What I really like about it is the way the shadows and the bright rising sun mix. I look at how the beams of sunlight hit the bright fall trees in contrast to the shadows... and I have to say... the shadows make the sunny spots stick out even more. If it weren't for those LONG morning shadows, I don't think I would appreciate the beauty of the morning like I do.

So it is with life. If we didn't have to go through shadows in life... we wouldn't appreciate what we really have as much, would we. SO during this shadowy time, I rejoice because as I sit in the shadow, I see all the beauty of the good things that I DO HAVE in my life! And although I could think of this shadow as gloom... I don't. I will continue to think of myself as being under the shadow of God's wings! And I continue to believe.

As I prayed for the kids this morning in church, I closed my eyes and the Holy Spirit helped me to envision a mighty King riding His horse through the streets of Haiti. He was searching out the birth father of our children. He found him napping in his house and knelt at his bedside to minister to him. And I thought... only OUR King would humble himself to come to the bedside of one of his children to minister. Of course in my ignorance, I was standing right by the shoulder of the Lord cheering Him on as He made their father's heart right. The King however, lovingly told me to step back and allow Him to minister to His son. He was not rejecting me, but reminding me of my place. He does NOT love Caleb, Isabel and Daniel's Dad any less than he loves me. He is not going to just hand a miracle to us and rip something away from him. He is giving their father a chance to listen and correct his heart. A time to grow and be challenged. He reminded me that HE COULD just miraculously solve all this quickly, but in that, growth would not happen and He would not see their father's faith strengthened but possibly weakened and frustrated. A good parent does not give food to one of His children and forget about the others. He feeds them all and gives them all His equal attention, love, time and support. He gives us all time and works tenderly with us. I have been humbled... as I sit in awe of my God! Praise Him!!

Still praying!!!

2007-10-25T19:40:00.000-04:00

Thank you to everyone for all your support!!! We are still praying and expecting the best. We are supposed to pray expectantly, and so that is what we press on doing. God is sustaining us and giving us peace. Love to all of you!!! Please thank the people who are praying for us that we don't even know! We have had several messages stating that "people" are praying for us!!! We are grateful!!!!

Potter's House (um..and then some)

2007-10-21T22:37:00.000-04:00

Today I am SO SO THANKFUL for our awesome church family. I have to say they deserve credit for being humble and willing to serve each other and not making church a scheduled, program based show. Today after worship Pastor Carla was prompted to have people pray over me and for Rob and I and the adoption. I mean they "stopped everything" right before the sermon, had me stand up where I was, had people around me lay hands on me and everyone else stretch their hands toward me and pray. I mean ME.. I am one out of HUNDREDS at that church!!!! Do you know how many churches would just say "well... if we do that for you we would have to do that for EVERYBODY" instead of just obediently praying. Uggghhhh... we are so blessed! She prayed for a great PUSH to get the process moving. She hadn't even heard the down side of the roller coaster yet... I believe she was just being obedient to God's prompting... because this isn't over yet. It was so humbling to have faith family, I mean MANY MANY people, stop what they were doing and PRAY just for us and the kids... and no one rolled their eyes or grumbled about it to my knowledge. Not many churches do this and I praise God that He is convicting more and more of His children to minister this way. Praise God for churches that are REAL!!! Praise God for churches that care about EVERY part of the body and try their best to let no one get lost in the shuffle! Praise God for Pastors that take the limelight off themselves and minister to the church obediently. PRAISE God for people who KNOW He is still the SAME as ever, He still does MIRACLES!!! He still SPEAKS!!!! He still HEALS!!!! Thank you Potter's House for loving us and blessing us today. Your prayers WILL come to fruition!

One more thing... totally unrelated to Potter's House... Just in general...
I REALLY need to vent...

Do you want to know the most frustrating part of this process actually... people that pity us... I mean their intentions are "good"... I love them, they obviously love us... don't get me wrong (and please don't mistake pity with showing you care... we still need to see THAT... we LOVE all the cards, calls and notes we've been getting... don't be afraid to show us you care just due to my impatient spat here). I'm sorry, I have to get it out. It's people that think this is the end, people that have lost faith even though they still think they have it. COME ON!!! WE CAN'T give up just after a couple of bumps. I honestly have caught myself trying to apologize because there are people who honestly think I am in denial... so I talk differently to those people as if I NEED to be in denial for their sake because they have given up on God being AWESOME. Forgive me God!! I'm sorry but...sometimes I want to yell... "People WHERE has your FAITH GONE"!!! He tells us to worry NOT... it does not add a minute to our lives... do you know worry and discouragement are lack of faith... and I am not pointing fingers... I worry and I get discouraged... and I am right now to extent... but I am willing to TRY to STOP doing that and ask God to refocus me on His truth I WILL NOT DWELL in negativity. I mean NOAH... how hard would it have been to be NOAH and build that "silly" ark!!! THAT was faith!!! And that's only ONE example. That's how we should still be living today! Do you wonder why false religions seem to be drawing more people... because Christians LACK belief in the very thing they believe!!!!!! If you are losing faith, please read your Bible and regard it as truth... EVERY bit of it... not just the parts you can explain... if that's the way you read the Bible then you have only faith in yourself and that gets you NOWHERE...or, actually.... somewhere... I would rather not see ANYONE go! I know it takes time for us to grow and embrace things in our walk and build our faith... but some of the people that have given up on God surprise me... they have been with God for quite some time. WHERE in the Bible does God say... and now I shall STOP doing miracles... now I shall stop talking to my people. Umm... honestly if you find it let me know... I will apologize. Yes, I still believe there are people SO FULL of God's Spirit (because they allow them selves to be) that when their SHADOW falls on believers needing healing... healing COMES!!! It HAPPENED IN THE BIBLE.... what in the world do WE think has changed??? We CLING to that same faith awaiting the return of our children once again! And I am totally NOT pointing fingers at ANYONE here... I love everyone who is supporting us, no matter how they know best to do it... I'm just saying... if you know better... stop being so silly.

ok
yes.... that feels better
I think I'm going to be just fine.

It's A Fast Moving Rollercoaster...

2007-10-20T22:36:00.000-04:00

... and we happen to be in the valley again! But since it HAS been such a fast moving rollercoaster we will only accept that it means we will be back on top again in no time! Uggghhh.. yes.. more gut wrenching news! Caleb, Daniel and Isabel are once again back in their mother's care. The appointment at IBESR only came to prove that the mother cannot even leave the kids at the Orphanage without her husband's consent... let alone file any case against him for abandonment. So our kids are back with their birthmom at the time, again. They tried to contact the birthdad, but he hung up on them SOOOOOO PLEASE PRAY HARD... EARNESTLY!!!!!! Pray that God gives their mom strength and courage and provision... and please pray that their dad's heart is changed. It is not beyond God to do this!!! The dad, from what we understand has not done a thing to help with the kids... so it is frustrating that he won't HELP... but he also won't let them GO!!!! Please pray, please do NOT grumble, please do not loose faith and PLEASE stay positive... when God's word goes forth... so it is!!! And so... those kids will be here eventually!

I want to give Three Angel's credit where it's due also... my husband and I have been around the world and to many third world countries. We have many friends in far away places and have seen a lot of sad cases... we have to say the staff at Three Angels is among the most amazing we have ever met. And what an awesome orphanage!!! Do you know that Three Angels is a RARE case!!! It has love, health, cleanliness and comfort.. that is not what Rob and I are used to seeing... and sure the kids are sick once in a while, so are American kids, (many third world kids are DIEING.. so being sick is nothing) sure there are toys scattered about and there is dirt on the floor at TIMES (mind you... only at times... I have never seen women mop as much as those nannies do)... I believe there is dirt on my floor too!!! I just wish I could lay it all out there and just tell it like I have seen it... I can't even express how impressed I am with this place!!!!! I have seen much... RARELY have I seen such a blessed place in a third world country. THANKS Three Angels. We are impressed... you are amazing in our eyes!!!

PLEASE BE IN PRAYER EVERYONE!! THANKS!! - Hope and Rob

Proof...

2007-10-18T16:36:00.001-04:00

Our babies are back! (See details below) These are recent pictures of them since their return. Please continue to keep the process in your prayers. The mom showed up today and did what she needed to as far as we know... keep praying for the dad to do the right thing.

Please continue to pray for us as we consider also adopting their big brother Daniel (this is a pict. of Isabel.... not Daniel). It does not make any sense to us to do such a thing financially... but GOD rules this situation AND our finances... we are just waiting on His voice. God please bless everyone involved!!!

THEY'RE BAAAAAAACK

2007-10-17T17:07:00.000-04:00

Yes.... they are back. The story is the mom does not want them, the dad has not been around to help with them, and yet he doesn't want to sign off. SO the kids are at the Orphanage... please pray that the dad's heart will soften and that he will see what is best... pray that the kids are safe as well as their mom. Please pray for her as I am sure her heart aches right now. Pray that she clings to Jesus and feels His arms wrap around her tonight! Please pray that she stays firm in her decision as flip floping like this is hard on everyone involved. Pray that the dad will quickly decide to sign off with no problems. These kids are meant to be here... home with us. And we do not say that out of any disrespect to their birth parents... we say that because God has shown us that and we will not let the worldly circumstances tell us otherwise! Please pray and praise God with us!!!!!!!!!!! OH YEAH... and their older brother Daniel is now with them at the Orphanage too. We don't know that we could financially afford adopting three although we are totally willing to... so please pray for God's will here. MAYBE we will adopt all three! MAYBE there is a family in Midland that is called to adopt him. We really need to seek God on this issue. All our love! See what GOD can do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!! Thank you to those of you who prayed while you were in Haiti. Thank you to the men who prayed with the dad... please continue to pray!

Heartbroken... But Not Hopeless

2007-10-08T17:13:00.000-04:00

Caleb and Isabel's biological parents have taken them back today. It is now a hard day for us and yes we are heartbroken... BUT we NEVER EVER want any of you to give up on this situation or look at it in despair... God is bigger and WE will continue to believe for a miracle. God has a plan here, and He will reveal it in His time. Who are we to qustion God!!?? Many people have been praying, many people still are... and God hears our cries, please continue to pray. If we turn from this situation now and just shrug our shoulders and stay in a state of mourning... we would be forgetting to acknowledge this all is happening for a reason. We won't sit and grind out teeth until it makes sense... that's where faith comes in! We don't HAVE to figure it all out... that is the beauty of faith... it eases our minds, and we refuse to bow to this world and act as though it has won and caused us grief. Discouragenment is a choice! We have the Holy Spirit within us... that means we have all the miraculous strength we need to get through anything... so we don't feel that we need to come to terms with anything... only God knows the terms anyway!! All we ask now is you ask the Holy Spirit to rush to our children (yes... they are still ours) and ease their grief, and keep them healthy and safe. PLEASE pray for THEM!!!! We know you have been praying for us... the peace that surpasses all understanding is falling upon us. Thank you!!! Don't give up on this situation! We aren't! God is good and our faith won't waiver... and contrary to belief... we are NOT in denial... I mean for pete's sake I am crying as I write this, BUT if we give up our hope in God... what do any of us have!!!??? WE WILL NOT be Christians who serve a small God! WE WILL NOT be waves tossed in the sea!!! This world will NOT dictate to us! God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow... He still can part seas, bring the dead to life, release captive and heal the sick... He can still do anything... it's not denial... it's Truth! All our love!!! Thanks for you support!!!! Love Hope and Rob

Issues

2007-10-06T01:54:00.000-04:00

So the issue at hand... Caleb and Isabel's mom wants them back. The situation they would be returning to sounds like it would be the same as the one they left. Their mom says her heart breaks for her kids and she can't stand the thought of being without them (understandably). And yet, they will not be able to give total proper nutrition or any education to the kids. We are praying hard and need your prayers. Pray for the best for the kids. God sees the whole picture and we do not, so pray also for our peace. It seems strange to us that it would not be of God that they come home to us. God knows we would do all we could to keep the kids in touch with their family and raise them to love their culture. And what opportunities they would have. Please just pray hard and declare scripture over them. We will let you know when we know anything else.

PLEASE...

2007-10-04T00:01:00.000-04:00

Ask the Holy Spirit how you can pray for us today, and please pray earnestly. Thanks!

The First Day of School

2007-09-20T09:43:00.000-04:00

So here we are... the first day of school!!! I can't pretend to know what their day was really like since I wasn't there... but these pictures say a lot.

I especially like that once Izzy got dirty... she smiled! We are so proud of our kids!!! God please give them the knowledge they need to excel in school and give them the spiritual knowledge they need to see your will in their lives! And give their teachers patience. You-you thank the Nannies for us on all their work getting our children ready for this very important first day of school. And thank YOU for doing all you do too!!! And thank you Shannon, teachers, and Alix we appreciate all you do to keep our children educated!!

HOMESTUDY PART 2

2007-09-13T20:50:00.000-04:00

Well we survived it! Today we went in and both had to be interviewed seperately about our lives growing up and our families, how we were disciplined and... our (and our spouse's) strengths and weaknesses. SO... I said one of my strengths was that I was openminded.... ROB SAID that one of my weaknesses was that I was NOT openminded!!!! Other than that... I think we did fine!! Our case worker is such a sweet lady and has made the entire process very comfortable!

Last night we went to transcultural training. It was great... it made us deal with the issue that not all people are comfortable with transracial families, and some people altogether resent it... so how do we react to such situations? Basically with grace, but ZERO tolerance! We learned to be bold and yet gracious in commenting in return to dumb comments etc... so our kids see by our example that they don't just have to brush off the comments and accept them, but that there is a way to be loving and yet stand up for youself and your heritage and culture. "Black jokes" for example... no longer ok to sit by and roll our eyes and ignore the situation. Time to lovingly take a stand.

We almost have all we need together for our Dossier. Everyone helping us put it together has been very quick and helpful! SO FAR!!! Keep the process in your prayers!! And the funding too!

UNTIL NEXT TIME...

Home Study Part 1

2007-08-29T17:27:00.000-04:00

Well... we made it through the first phase of our home study! Mainly we were interviewed on our marriage... which I always love to talk about... so I was excited!!! And our reasons for adopting and if we have any fears, or family members that we see having a problem with our adoption. We go to Transracial Training on the evening of September 12th and our next part of our home study is the next day on September 13th. SO please just keep us in your prayers on those days. We are praying that we will learn all that God wishes us to. Please also continue to pray for funding. We still need about half of our grand total.... so about ten thousand dollars. We also ask for prayers as we put together our Dossier... there is a lot of paper work to get together... pray that we are accurate and don't miss a thing! THANKS!!!

BRAGGIN'

2007-08-24T23:37:00.000-04:00

Check out Anne's Blog, Lizzie's Blog (you will have to check her older posts) and Katie's Blog.... you can click on their links down on the right side of this page. If you do this... you will see pics of our kids... these three young ladies have all been a huge blessing to our kids!!

I'm just guessing...

2007-08-24T23:05:00.001-04:00

... you would feel this way too! Daddy has to leave in the morning. Please pray for our kids... they will be fine, they are in an awesome place with a lot of love. But when daddy leaves... their hearts are gonna flip flop for a while... and so will ours! Thanks!

Rob Working on Halo's Medical Clinic

2007-08-22T18:12:00.000-04:00

Just a quick picture update on what Rob is doing in Haiti... and get this... unless things did not wind up as intended... after THIS he takes the kids to dinner and plays with them tucks them in, wakes them up, gets them ready for the day... goes to breakfast and BACK to work!!! I am so proud of you Rob! So many men draw a line... but you always give life your all in your own quiet patient way! I have to say... I am married to the most amazing man in the world! I love you!!!

Praise HIM... not just what He does

2007-08-17T09:14:00.000-04:00

I completely love this picture... it has to be one of my favorites. I was in the nursery one morning while all the children were dancing and singing and I happened to get this exact shot of Isabel shouting " ALLELUIA"!!! And honestly... I had barely heard her voice until then... what a blessed first word for a mama to hear! And a girl after my own heart... praising God with both hands in the air!!!!

This picture is perfect for today because God had an awesome talk with me this morning about praise. As I sat and started to pray... I always try to praise God first and not just lay my list before Him. We were created to praise so that is what we should strive to do first in our prayer life... well, just as I feel I'm starting to get a hold of that concept... God takes me in a little deeper and tells me to FIRST praise Him for who He is and His character THEN praise him for what He has done.

He told me... with our spouses and children... when they praise us... we would rather hear them truly praise our character and not just say "I love you so much because... you always clean the house"... We would rather hear them say something like... "I love you so much for your giving nature, you never hesitate to bless people... by the way... thank for cleaning the house today!" ... Right!?? So it totally straightened me out once He showed it to me in that light. And as the picture shows above... children have got it right... I guess for the very young, I rarely hear them list in their prayer life that they praise Jesus for all He's done when they are truly praising Him, but more often in a sense it's just ... "ALLELUIA!!!!!"

Papa Is Coming!

2007-08-15T23:10:00.000-04:00

Rob gets to go to Haiti tomorrow! Please keep him and his traveling companions Dennis, Steve and Sharon in your prayers! He is so excited to see the kids again! And I think it's a good thing I had supplied them all with a healthy supply of stickers!!!

Sooooo.... many of you have been asking for the stories..... from our last trip.... and I guess I have to admit I have been hiding out a bit. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure why... but I needed a little space... it is hard to talk about constantly. I feel bad about that. This adoption is SO SO SO exciting. But I feel like I get in this prerecorded mode when people ask how things are going, and I have been praying to get out of that and just be able to be candid with people!!! God is helping me tremendously with that. SO I WILL TELL YOU THE STORY YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.... THE MOMENT OF ASKING...

Well... I wish I could say this was the expression we saw when we asked Caleb and Isabel to be our kids... but to our surprise it wasn't. Honestly, now that we look back and understand it though... we know why it wasn't. When we got to the Orphanage we were going to a wait a day until we asked them to be our kids... just to get reacquainted and not throw too much at them at once... but since the other children kept coming up to us and asking us if we were going to be C+I's parents... along with a couple nannies... we knew things needed to be taken care of sooner than we thought. SO up to You-you's apartment we marched. We sat down with the kids and You you explained that we wanted to have a talk with them. Caleb's face turned serious as he fidgeted with things around him Izzy just kinda sat there in her own world tugging on her barbie doll's hair as only a Haitian girl can. Rob then proceeded to ask if they would like to be in our forever family.... there was a slight pause that seemed to go on for 45 minutes... and I was thinking .... "SERIOUSLY??? We're going to be the first parents that have been rejected by the children they hope to adopt???? Oh what am I going to do??? How should I respond????" And then..... Caleb... looking downward and still fidgeting said....

Wi!! (FYI.. that's YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

So he said it cautiously... and at first it worried me. Concerned about his happiness I hoped that he REALLY DID want to be ours. I did NOT want to be out of God's will or out of Caleb's will!!! SO it was hard when I didn't get the reaction that I had already played over and over in my own head. But... within minutes Caleb started to grin as he processed it all... Izzy kept tugging at Barbie... which we interpret as acceptance. =) We gave them both laminated sheets of pictures of us and our house and pets... we went down stairs and I watched from behind the scenes as Caleb went into the courtyard to show some friends the picture of his new home and new parents and pets. I saw him smile as he showed his friends... I needed to see that... and I saw him continue to just stare at all the pictures as he walked off by himself. Oh what was going through his head??? I wish I knew... was he scared, was he excited, both??? Was he looking at the picture of that horse and saying "ooohhhh boy... I hope I don't have to ride that..." and "OH BROTHER... how am I going to live with TWO WAH WAH's????" (Wah Wah is the name of the guard dog at the Orphanage... and Haitians are not nuts about dogs) I wish I could just get in both their little minds!!!!! I mean look in these eyes... what was IZZY thinking??????? We will touch more on that in another entry!!!!! =) She does cuddle good... I think that's an awesome sign!!! And I do know Caleb's love for us was extremely apparent as the week unfolded. He told us he loved us COUNTLESS times... with that priceless grin of his. And we could tell he meant it!!!! Why didn't he smile and jump up and down right when we asked him.... I think he was surprised that we were asking him for many reasons... I think he knew from our trip in MAY that he would be ours. We spent a lot of time with him... and I also think God confirmed it in his spirit that we were his parents. So... um.... mom and dad... why are you asking me something I have already said yes too in my heart??? I think that was what was going through his mind along with the other countless things that may go through a little boys mind at 6 years old, who has been given up by one set of parents only to stay at an orphanage for a year and to have a new set of parents on 7-7 07!!! Now he has a family that "will never Quit Him" as You you told him the day we left!!! We will never quit either of you! You're our babies and we will do anything for you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting Familiar With God's Word...

2007-07-31T18:27:00.000-04:00

Blaze... my pillar of fire...

Beautiful isn't he??!!! I can't share with you in a short time all the lessons God has taught me through this horse!!! He has truly shown me the way, just like the pillar of fire showed the Israelites the way in Exodus. It amazes me the way God can use creatures like Him to touch our lives. I don't regret buying this horse for a second! Even if someone took him from me tomorrow... I would be HORRIFIED... but I would rather have had him for the little time that I have... than not at all. He has taught me to be courageous, gentle, patient and firm... and today he taught me something else...

I truly believe God is calling me to start a horse camp for abused children... this I already know. There are so many out there for emotionally and physically impaired children... and they bless those kids like crazy...but I feel abused kids are in need of the same thing. In order to start digesting the fact that I will basically be building an ark in my front yard (meaning... this all just seems impossible) God has prompted me to pray over my horse and to also read my Bible in his pasture. Well, just yesterday I sat in a chair in the pasture reading my Bible and it caught Blaze's interest. He was very cautious of those big white noisy pages and wasn't quite sure he liked them at all. As I turned the pages his eyes got bigger and bigger and his ears flattened back, CLEARLY God's word was intimidating to Blaze... that Big book... SO many pages, it seemed like way too much to take in... and so confusing... he would rather just stay away than try to understand it. Then God revealed to me how many people there are in the world that feel the same way Blaze does about His word. It seems way too intimidating or overwhelming and it's just easier to stay away... but then...

Blaze surprised me... he started to graze nervously as he inched closer and closer to my feet. Once he got close enough he picked up his head slowly, eyes still bulging he reached his neck way forward and sniffed my Bible... the wind caught one of the pages suddenly, catching and already tense Blaze off guard, this set Blaze to quickly hop backwards about 2 feet. He just stood there, with his front legs as straight as toothpicks and a little bit farther apart from each other than usual. His head was held high, as was his tail and now his eyes were SO big it looked like he was crossing them. Much to my surprise, he stretched his neck out again and cautiously sniffed the Bible. In time, He started to understand that it wouldn't hurt him and he started to slowly accept it. Eventually I stood up to pray and I left my Bible on the chair and he just COULDN'T ignore it any longer... he walked up to it and wiggling his top lip back and forth in a Mr. Ed manner, he started turning the pages... then, yes, he got comfortable enough he tried to eat the pages... that's where I stepped in...

But honestly... if the Word of God, the Bible, seems intimidating to you... just give it time... don't ignore it, and with the help of God... it will start to make more and more sense... then you will get a point just like Blaze did... where you just can't ignore it, then you will love it so much... you will want to take it all in (preferably not by literally eating it). So I hope you learned something from Blaze today. And if you already KNEW this... I hope you will be able to use this story to touch a life! God bless you as we all get more familiar each day, with God's Word!

WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU HAVE A NEW MOM AND DAD...

2007-07-26T08:53:00.000-04:00

REMIND ME

2007-07-22T23:07:00.000-04:00

So, it's funny how after being in a third world country... you have no real desire to blog and whatnot. Most the world lives without... and blogging just seems so minimal when you get home from seeing so many hurting people. And you really have no desire to focus on self... after what you just saw. So I appologize for my lack of updating but I feel I am still quietly focusing on God's people in Haiti. Out of respect for them, I just don't feel like jumping back on the bandwagon of taking life for granted quite yet.

I know many of you are waiting for news... and I will try my best to share regulalry soon...our kids certainly are something to be celebrated... but I have to admit, Rob and I are humbled, we are just doing what we are supposed to. So many people are praising us for adopting... but I just look at the hurt and how people live in Haiti... and I just want to say... please don't praise us... praise the Haitian mother who is trying her best to just feed her children SOMETHING so she doesn't have to give them up, praise the Haitian wife who works 12 or more hours a day and only earns 5 dollars that day and STILL goes home to take care of and love 5 children, praise the Haitian women who are taking care of our children for us while we can't, praise "twenty something" year old American women who have given up the prime of their life to live it with Jesus and 38 kids in Haiti... WHO DOES THAT AT THAT AGE!!!!!??, praise the Haitians for still being confident that there is a God when they see death, starvation and crime around them as a normal part of life. PRAISE GOD for the strength He gives the Haitian people. I just don't even want to talk about us or the adoptions or anything sometimes... it's not all about us... Rob and I??.... we're spoiled brats just trying to be obedient.

Can you tell I am going through some serious emotions coming back to this lovely rich country we live in!!! Sorry to sound so negative... that's not my point... but I just feel while I am here blogging away as I sit on my comfy bed... there is a Nanny willing to stay up all night with my baby girl if she is sick, there is another Nanny dressing my son every day and making sure he has food and a bath.... AND THEY STILL HAVE TO GO HOME TO THEIR OWN KIDS!!! Praise God! I am humbled!!! SO SO SO HUMBLED!!! I will write more soon... but I hope this blog entry touches you today and makes you thankful for what you have. I know I am so blessed!

Father God, we all pray you would bless Haiti and release them from the bondage they are in. Thank you for the awesome hardworking Hatians who have inspired me and touched my life!!! I am blessed! Everytime I complain Jesus, remind me of what I have, remind me that I have more freedom that 3/4 of the WORLD!!! Remind me again... that most people in the world can't flush their toilet and only DREAM of showers. Remind me again how my children will never have to eat scraps from the local garbage pit, not knowing what it is but just hoping it will fill their stomach, remind me Lord how blessed I am to have a husband who adores me and how blessed we both are to have JOBS!!! We think Michigan's economy is bad... HA HA HA.... remind me Lord how blessed we are in Michigan! Remind me Lord how awesome it is that my children will not have to worry about being in the clutches of typhoid and malaria! REMIND ME AND HUMBLE ME LORD!!!! I WANT TO NEVER EVER COMPLAIN AGAIN.... AND WHEN I DO... REMIND ME!!!

WE'RE BACK

2007-07-16T10:07:00.000-04:00

And we have so much to catch everyone up on!!!!! We have so much to say... but little time at the moment since family members are waiting for pictures and stories... but in a nutshell...

HE CHECKED YES!~~~They are ours!!!! What a blessing!!!

Caleb David wanted a new name!!! So Now he is Caleb David!!!! Meaning Faithful, Bold, Beloved!! Isabel Guillanda (meaning consecrated to God) is a sweetheart and yet has a temper matching mine from that age... (she is a 2 year old that was way out of her element last week, we give her credit! We were blessed by her silliness and cuddling too!)

We met their birth-parents!!! Lovely people!!! (I got to pray with their mom!!)

Most of all.... THEY CHECKED YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE'RE OFF!!!!

2007-07-05T21:19:00.000-04:00

We leave tomorrow night to head to Detroit and fly out Saturday morning! Then we get to see the kids!!! Please be praying for us and the entire team of people going. There will be a medical clinic conducted while we are there... please pray that the people God intends to show up are the people who get there and pray for strength and safety for all the volunteers!!! What an awesome week we have ahead of us! Praise God!!!! HOLD ON DAVID AND ISABEL... oh... who am I kidding!!!???

I am the one that needs to hold on!!!!!!! Well... ok... they might need to hold on... they have a lot of kisses coming their way!!!!

Baby Dylan??? Are you coming????

2007-07-02T17:12:00.000-04:00

No... we have not decided to adopt more children! But our family is growing! Our sister Amy is about to bring a new life into this world! Baby Dylan... soon!!! Please pray for safe arrival and that he grows to love Jesus and have a happy life!!!! He has a great mommy and daddy!!!! We will brag him up as soon as we can!!!

THANK YOU!!!

2007-07-01T21:55:00.000-04:00

OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE THE MOST AWESOME EVER!!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT THIS WEEKEND! WE HAVE BEEN HUMBLED AND BLESSED MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO FAR!!!!

2007-06-29T21:45:00.000-04:00

We have earned over 600 dollars from the garage sale so far! God is good!!! We have one day left!!! Please pray that after the day is through we have made 1000 dollars... or more!!! That would be an awesome goal! Please pray also that people would generously give, as many have, with extra donations!!! We also have the auction coming up Sunday! PLEASE PLEASE pray with all your might that this too will be an extremely profitable benefit and that MANY MANY people show up to bid!!!! Thanks!!! - Hope and Rob

I have a crush!!!

2007-06-25T11:52:00.000-04:00

Isn't he so handsome!!!!! I honestly have to say... I never knew I could love so intensely again! I have a crush on both our kids, don't get me wrong... but when we go to Haiti in a couple of weeks, we will officially be asking the kids if we could be their parents... and David is the one I expect to make the official decision. So, I have to say... I never felt this questioning, "does he really love me" feeling, since I wondered if Rob loved me in 6th grade. Do you know that feeling I mean? When you find your true love... or maybe your first crush and you are just dieing to know if that person loves you as much as you love them? You just wished you could read their mind!! I totally want to send David a letter that says "Do you love me? Will you be mine?... check yes or no"! I have a twinge of nervousness in me, thinking of that moment... when Rob and I ask David and Isabel be our kids... but mostly I have confidence, God has already confirmed to us that this is right in so many ways. I just can't wait for the moment David checks YES!!!!!!! And yes he is a graduate!!! What a boy!!! Congrat's David! We are SO SO SO proud of you!!! We can't wait to know you and Isabel more!!!

FIRST HOME STUDY MEETING!

2007-06-20T20:38:00.000-04:00

Please pray for our first home study meeting tomorrow night at 7:00. It's just an initial informational meeting... but it is the start of something huge!!!!!

FEELING IT

2007-06-17T23:09:00.000-04:00

SO... one thing (among others) that I learned in church today... is that the beautiful Aboriginal people of Australia still have something our culture has lost. They feel it! Before I tell you what that means... let me alert you to one thing we all need to know... Aboriginals were considered ANIMALS until 40 years ago! That means you could legally rape, kill or kidnap them and not get charged with a crime! What a horrible act of the Devil is that!!!!?? We need to pray for these beautiful people. Pray for the spiritual healing for these people as well as physical healing... their bodies have been shocked by the carbohydrate loaded diet that has been brought to society.

So what do they feel? The Spirit God has put in each of us. When these beautiful people great each other they prefer to touch the person they meet by a handshake or a hug in order to feel the Spirit inside the other person... sounds weird to us at first... but I believe it can be beautiful. So... I feel like today a wonderful aboriginal couple explained to me exactly what I felt when I touched my children for the first time... I felt the Spirit in them confirming to the Spirit in me that they were my children. NO DOUBT, NO going back... and NO DIVISION by physical differences. Did you feel that quickening in your Spirit with YOUR kids? Did you feel it the first time you hugged you husband before you even knew he was your husband? I believe God does allow us to experience each other in the Spirit, but we are often too busy and desensitized to feel it. Next time you hug someone... keep you Spirit alert!

Oh yeah... one more thing...Aboriginal people also believe we are ALL one family... BLOOD family, EVEN if we vary in color. They would welcome you or me, just as well as they would welcome someone we would classify as one of them. They do not see color... they see family. NO MATTER WHAT...they seriously believe (as do I) that we are all one family, with NOTHING dividing us. AMEN!!!!!!???????

GARAGE SALE!!!!

2007-06-13T19:23:00.000-04:00

We just wanted to alert everyone about the most amazing garage sale you will ever attend!!!! It will be held at 757 N. 11 Mile at Rob's parents house! PLEASE come!!! It is right in between Mt. Pleasant and Midland... so there's no excuse for missing it!!! Why is it the most amazing garage sale ever you ask....? Well because every penny, dime or dollar spent will bring us all closer to seeing David and Isabel come home!!! AND you will get to take SOMETHING home!!! Something you have been needing, or looking for... YOU WILL find it here!!! I guarantee it... because it you DON'T I will HELP you find it!!!! =) Ok ok .... I will try not to be so pushy...but... it is for a great cause... and you have extra change in your pocket... I can hear it right now... seriously... I can... OH WAIT... Rob said he can hear it too... we know that sound so well... because we never hear it around here anymore.... =)

Ok....

So...

Seriously...

You're coming right?

How can you say no to these faces!!!!!!???

Oh and don't forget... the same weekend... to take a trip over to the Silent Auction at Barstow shelter. 1:00 on July first! There will also be AWESOME items there! Make it a Krotzer weekend!!!

AND.... if you don't know what CHALLENGE 100 is... take a look below! MANY have already taken the challenge. Will you!!!??? We only need 64 more donors to reach our goal!!!

We love you all!!!! - Hope, Rob, David and Isabel